updates and things

Eddie Huang's Blog

2011-03-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

Ran across this today and found it to be both hilarious and serious and yet, so totally spot on. Fresh Off The Boat

Vai, Brasil!

2010-07-02T08:09:00.000-07:00

Direct From Asia Presents...

2010-06-14T13:32:00.000-07:00

Some good friends came for a visit this weekend. We went to the Richmond Night Market on Saturday night. I was pleasantly surprised that, apart from the food booths (smelled yummy!) and the bootleg dvd, ipod, iphone and mp3 accessory booths, they carried nail art! There were several booths that sold stickers, charms and polish. I picked up a couple packs of these 3D red ribbons. Turns out, they worked perfectly for use as Hello Kitty's bow. I now no longer have to worry about the red polish blending in with the black when I get ready to stamp the image onto my nail.

After all the walking and eating we did on Saturday, we decided to give our hands and feet a treat. This is the end result. I used Essie Turqouise & Caicos for the pastel green color.

A close up of the cute red bows I picked up at the Night Market over the weekend.

Here is my pastel green with white polka dot pedi. The sandals and the purse were definitely influenced by my sister who loves anything in hot pink!

A closer look. I had to top off the pedi with a Hello Kitty image and those adorable red bows too.

PS. A tempting as it was, I'm kinda glad we were too full to eat more at the Night Market. I had a rare chance to get my hands on a cherimoya fruit. But I had to resist. They not only wanted $12 for one fruit, but I would have ended up wasting it since the US Border wouldn't have allowed me to bring it back into the country.

Give Me Sparkle!

2010-06-10T06:21:00.000-07:00

Just recently got another batch of Fauxnad plates. I used China Glaze For Audrey, topped that off with 2 coats of UO Purple Sparkle 4 then topped it off with pink flowers and a couple of butterflies on the thumbs.

These crummy photos don't do them justice

2010-06-10T06:18:00.000-07:00

I love this red orange color.

This reminded me a little bit of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia's flag.

This attempt was inspired by an Asian painting: green bamboo stalks and leaves, red cherry blossoms and an elephant man.

Another Hello Kitty attempt.

2010-04-30T13:05:00.000-07:00

Apparently, either the camera on my Blackberry really sucks or I am a way better at applying nail polish than taking photos. Here is another Hello Kitty mani that I did last night. I used Urban Outfitters Purple 4 color and topped it off with a flower and heart band in a darker purple. I also placed a small silver bead in the middle of the flower. Hello Kitty is only on my pointer finger, a tad more subtle since I'm back at work and no longer galivanting in Sin City.

Hello Kitty has Arrived!

2010-04-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

The image plate with the Hello Kitty design finally came in the mail. I didn't have any time to try it on before I had to leave for Las Vegas, NV. So my sisters' tootsies became the first guinea pigs. They both wanted some form of pink and black design. We did a muted hot pink with a black Hello Kitty face and a red bow. The bow did not show up really well because the background color was too close in shade. Our second attempt had a little more contrast. We used an frosty opal background polish. Then we topped it off with pink polka dots and a black Hello Kitty face and a red bow. This one definitely got a lot of attention. We went to Eleven Spa the next day and the ladies there raved about how cute it was. Might have to try that on my own toes next time!

How to Survive Passport To Woodinville

2010-04-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

For the past three years, some friends and I have kept one weekend in April open for a girls’ getaway. About 30 minutes east of Seattle is a seemingly sleepy town called Woodinville. But on that one particular weekend, this town is invaded by wine connoisseurs, aficionados, amateurs and hounds. Armed with passports and a wine glass, people come in droves to savor the one weekend that most of Woodinville’s wineries and tasting rooms are open to the public. Here are a few of our lessons learned from trial and error over the years.

1.) Eat breakfast - Foodies would love Passport because most places also serve an assortment of nibbles to pair with their wares. However, it wouldn’t be advisable to go on an empty stomach because you will more than likely skip lunch and you’ll need a lot more than small bites to keep that wine from getting you woozy.
2.) Ladies, wear comfortable shoes. – The first year I went, I wore a really cute pair of gold, silver and bronze strappy wedges. By 2pm, I was ready to buy the first pair of flip flops I could get my hands on just so I could take them off. There’s a bit of walking, a bit of standing in line and certainly a bit of standing around to chat and sip. It’s a five hour event each day, that’s longer than a night out of dancing!
3.) Bring a designated driver – Every year, we’ve had a “Jeeves” accompany us to Passport. This ensures we all get around and back home in one piece. There are also plenty of other options like tour companies and the party bus. The one bus you don’t want to end up on is, of course, the paddy wagon. The other bonus? Your Jeeves can enjoy all the food being offered at the event without needing a passport. The downside? Your Jeeves will love it so much that next year he will refuse to be the DD and will want to be a drinker instead!
4.) The Question of Dumping – This one is up to you. This is the one area that we have had the most trials (& certainly errors!) experienced. Being that we are on our annual girls’ two day bender, most of us did not dump. Having said that, we were also shitfaced by 2pm. The ride home is usually peppered with some bad sing-a-long, headbanging and some hilarious, eyebrow raising conversations.
5.) Wear something with a pocket – Jean back pockets are pretty useful for this. Bear in mind that your one hand will always, always be holding a wine glass. It’s a bit of a juggling act as your passport needs to be shown for entry. It’s not all that advisable to have to dig for it in your purse. Same goes for your id. Have it on you for they check often. We got turned away at Brian Carter one year because we left our ids in the trunk of the car. (Obviously, this was after we figured out our purses were just going to be a nuisance.) One last thing, remember to put your passport back in your pocket and not your wine glass. You don’t want to sit down and break that wine glass so close to your behind. (Big Error there! By a state patrol officer nonetheless.)

A few other random thoughts and tips:

1.) Avoid the Grapparia next to Di Stefano on Passport weekend. Its good stuff but it will fuck you up too early in the day to enjoy the rest of the wine tasting.
2.) Red Hook Brewery can be a tempting dinner choice, but it will leave you with a gut rock. And they don’t allow food fights.
3.) Hydrate in between tastings.
4.) Stay out of the sun.
5.) Take two ibuprofens and drink a tall glass of water before bed. It will minimize your risk of having a hangover. Remember, you have another day of wine tasting ahead of you.

Is the wine good, you ask? I won’t sugarcoat it. There are mediocre ones, there are fabulous ones, and there are ones you will not be so sure about. It all depends on what wines you like. I have a girlfriend who is strictly a red drinker. She doesn’t even taste any of the whites. I myself will go gaga over a rose. Passport to Woodinville is a good chance to figure out what wines you like and don’t like. Barrel tastings and vintage releases are a sweet bonus, too. And if you are just in it cause you’re a booze hound and can start drinking before 12pm, well, $60 ain’t a bad deal for two days of (pretty much) unlimited wine and nibbles.

Periwinkle!

2010-04-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

Periwinkle was always one of my favorites from the ol' Crayola box. I'm really happy it actually translates to a posh, grown up look. I added a band of flowers (Konad S9) in black and an accent nail with white bamboo (Konad M66).

I am still waiting for a Fauxnad image plate with HELLO KITTY (!!!) to arrive from Hong Kong. Dang international post takes forever sometimes. Me thinks I should do a hot pink and black combo when it finally arrives. In the meantime, my impatience is making my imagination go on overdrive. I keep thinking I might have just donated $3.99 to some cash grab operation. Maybe it's because it was my first ever Ebay purchase? All these years, I managed to avoid Ebay. But that cute cat is just too hard to resist.

2010-04-06T09:42:00.000-07:00

This one is a definite favorite. Will have to try it with red instead of purple next time!

There's nail jobs and Nail Jobs!

2010-04-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

With the Hag's demise, I haven't found much blogging inspiration of late.

But today, I dusted my 15 year old Caboodle (purple and green, circa 1995) from the garage. In order to satisfy my pseudo compulsive need to organize something, I turned to my ever growing collection of nail polish. As I was pretending to look busy for eight hours at work today, I was also obsessively trying to remember where I might have stashed a bottle of nail polish here and there. So when I got home, I scavenged all over the bedroom, the bathroom cupboard and the hosts of other little drawers (organization, like inspiration, is a fleeting idea in my world.) where I might have left a bottle of nail polish or accessory or tool. The reason? Konadicures. I'm addicted to them. I want to take off my nail polish almost as soon as I put them on. Just so I can play around with what design to do next! I'm finally able to say goodbye to nail salons that do mediocre paint jobs. (Ofcourse, with the exception of two fine, fine, fine establisments. Chinoise Beaute Bar and Rescue Beauty Lounge.)

Considering that I especially hated having to pay extra for nail art, this new found set is just perfect for me. Plus it gives me the illusion of being somewhat artistic. Bonus! (Despite my Capriconian ways telling me not to kid myself.)

Here's a picture of my Easter bunny nail job:

Ding! Dong! The Witch is Dead!

2009-11-12T15:07:00.000-08:00

Oh happy day!

Today brings about the demise of the one person I have devoted way too much time, words and temper tantrums to. Today, the Hag got laid off. As such, I find it very fitting that despite having ignored blogging for a while, it is the perfect little venue for me to announce the happy news.

Sayonara, bitch! (and you all know that's the pg-13 version of what I'm really saying!)

Weekend Update

2009-09-08T09:13:00.000-07:00

6 girls, 3 nights, 5 clubs, 1 lounge, 1 show, 2 pools, and an unaccounted for number of shots. Vegas done right.

Tales From the Waxed Side

2009-07-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'm going to need a bottle of wine after this appointment. Not for the pain, but for the shame.

A: Okay ladies, I need a recommendation on where in town I can go to get a wax – the Brazilian kind
Me: I've never been to one in town but there's pretty much only 2 places I've heard of that do them. I'll go if you go.
A: I sent a request for appointments Friday at Zazen – does that work for you? I will let you know when I hear back
Me: Friday after work? Yes! Thanks!
A: Fyi - They want us to show up a little early so you can fill out a new client form. This is my first Brazilian – how about you? Hoping its not too painful
Me: Sounds good to me. It will be my first one as well. I've gone for a regular bikini wax but not the full shebang. It's not too painful right at the bikini line. The more sensitive areas however, I'm not so sure. We'll find out on Friday though. haha.
A: Agreed, bikini area is not bad. It’s the other 2 “areas” I’m a little worried about – I guess we’ll be finding out…….
Me: Someone needs to invent a lidocaine based cream so women won't feel a thing while getting waxed! Is it true that we may have to get on our hands and knees so they can reach all the areas?
A: I have heard about the possibility of the all fours position. Which I think I would prefer as opposed to the “laying on your stomach and holding your cheeks apart” position. I guess we’ll find out Friday. D is first so if we hear howling we know it’s the all fours!

Not all fine dining requires pre or post-eating.

2009-05-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

May 12th 2009 commemorates the third year of when the Tsu-man and I took the leap to DINK-dom. Every year, we have made it a tradition to have the Omakase dinner at Tojo's on Broadway as part of our celebration. Every year, the chef never fails to impress. Going to Tojo's means braving not knowing what you're having for dinner and not knowing how much you're going to pay for afterwards. The ultimate thrill, which we keep getting told is illegal in North America, would be to dine on fugu, aka the poisonous blowfish. Then dinner would really mean braving not knowing if you will leave alive or in a body bag.

Last night's degustation didn't disappoint at all.

Tako sashimi - In a creamy soy, garlic, ginger-like sauce. When asked, all Chef Tojo would say is that it wasn't something you could get at the Safeway aisle!
Shiitake mushrooms and sugar snap peas in broth - Softest shiitakes ever.
Baked sea urchin - Better than any bisque I'd ever had. And it had scallops to boot!
King crab hand roll - The Tsu-man and I are still trying to figure out what the crunch at the end was.
Crab, scallop, salmon, and sweet shrimp rolled in an egg crepe - All the fabulous fish, none of the rice.
Red snapper nigiri - Chef Tojo said, it is prized for the crunch factor. This was my least favorite. Probably because the crunch almost caused me to choke.
Toro nigiri - I have always been a fan of the fatty tuna. I think the Tsu-man finally had a toro epiphany last night.
Red snapper cheek stuffed with vegetables -Red snapper redeemed. It is fantastic cooked. Perhaps I may need more chewing practice to eat it raw.
Baked, smoked sablefish in broth - This dish was particularly outstanding. I will be asking for it everytime we go to Tojo's.
Barbecued eel and cucumber inside-out, topped with strips of tuna, salmon, spinach and egg
Green tea creme brulee with a sesame crisp - This has sent me into experimentation mode. How do you infuse a creme brulee with green tea?!

We definitely left full and happy. And I didn't even think about how that meal could have gotten me a pair of Manolos!

The Sippy Cup Incident

2009-03-03T11:18:00.000-08:00

JJ and Kristen are two of my favorite females not related to me. We're always up for a good time. We all like our drink, be it a good malbec or a stiff vodka or rum based cocktail. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) Kristen now lives 80 miles south in the Emerald City. So when JJ and I can get our schedules synchronized between dog duty and being out of town, we make sure to make the most of it.

Our last weekend together started out with a trip to Ikea, a sure sign that we've grown domesticated over the last three years. A frozen yogurt, Swedish meatballs and a few hundred dollars later, we decided it was time to find a happy hour. (What? It was 3:30pm!)
Our first stop, Joey's in Southcenter. It was surprisingly nice, considering it is still a mall restaurant chain despite being marketed for the higher end crowd what with all the West Elm furniture. My come to mama moment? They had Hangar One vodka. Note: my moment lasted all but a moment. They just ran out of the Mandarin Blossom flavor. So my taste buds said goodbye to their hankering for a mandarin press and instead got the usual vodka and tonic. To give credit where credit is due though, it did go great with the Ahi tuna club.

In between bites of fabulous seared tuna, Kristen suggested we check out her favorite watering hole in the Fremont area. So post lunch and post-haste, off we went to Tost. Tost is where you go for a stiff drink and a $5 pizza. As I watched the bartender make my drink, I noticed he poured vodka until 3/4 of my highball glass was full. Then he added a few ice cubes and topped it off with a teeny, tiny splash of white grapefruit juice. Oh, this lush was happy. Six stiff ones and a tequila shot later, JJ and I decided we highly approved of Kristen's new boyfriend.

We left Tost for a pit stop at Kristen's before heading to the movie theater. We just had enough time to open 2 bottles of wine and pack 3 sippy cups into the giant purses we brought along for this specific purpose before the cab arrived. JJ already had the candy in hers. (Can you say premeditated?)

In keeping with the estrogen filled theme of the weekend, we chose to watch a 10pm showing of He's Just Not That Into You. The candy, wine and sippy cups came out as soon as we were seated. Apparently, the noise of the clinking bottles and plastic containers were enough to send the people around us off to find different seats. Or it could have been the loud giggling (damn you estrogen!) because a deep voice behind us gave a very stern warning that we would get kicked out if we didn't pipe down. JJ, always good for a fight, told him to get lost. I shushed her and apologized profusely but turned right back around and giggled even louder.

The rest of the movie ended up being a blur because the next thing I knew, JJ's sippy cup had turned into a puke cup. She was bent to one side emptying her stomach contents into what used to be her wine glass. I look over at Kristen and she had fallen asleep. I nudge her awake to let her know we were at code red. So off the three drunk girls went in search of the bathroom. We get there and JJ realizes she's lost her phone. Kristen had hers out to call a cab. She then decided she would call JJ's phone and I agreed to go back in the theater to look for it. It wasn't hard to find because it was lit and unsilenced. I head toward it but not before slipping on what felt like slimy yet chunky, viscous fluid. Leave it to me to end up on all fours in a movie theater! I grab the offending phone and run out of the theater, not bothering to check the state of my jeans.

Needless to say, we got out of there with our friendships, giant purses (I wasn't sacrificing a Kate Spade that night), phones and criminal records intact. My jeans, pride and knees on the other hand.. oh well, they can always do with some slight bruising.

Happy Hour and then some

2009-03-03T10:39:00.000-08:00

The Temple Bar's version of bathroom reading.

Kegel Schmegel... This was all the sign I needed to stop in mid-stream!

Crossing an Age Band

2009-01-06T03:55:00.000-08:00

This year marks the first time I will no longer be checking the 25-29 box on surveys, forms at the doctor's office and any other meaningless mode of data recording. But there are more telling things that have said, "Welcome to the fold", soon-to-be-middle-aged.

1. Work takes over. A six-month whirlwind tour of the country was one of the things that kept me away.

2. You sleep less and less. Mostly due to all the time zone jumping.

3. Beware of guy friends lest you be accused of having an affair.

4. Births and deaths have more of a punched in the gut feel. Oh how I hate confronting my mortality and the human condition.

on the pro side?

1. You don't have to answer to anyone for ammassing the amount of shoes or purses in your closet.

2. Travel, travel, travel.

3. You can still stick it to 'em! Fuck it, I'm keeping my guy friends, jealous girlfriends or wives can kiss my brown, getting flabby ass.

4. Baby sisters turning 21. Nieces named Maxine. Family reconciliations.

5. A maturing wine palate. I never knew popping open a bottle at noon is acceptable in certain circles.

Yes, I think I will like my 30s a lot.

Well, they did say they wanted to grow the brand.

2008-09-30T10:35:00.001-07:00

So today I went to the dreaded annual physical. For women this means getting your woman bits checked and double checked for bumps and anomalies. I'm all for staying healthy down there. I'm also all for small talk so I get distracted from the fact that I am getting impaled by a metal instrument that looks like a duck bill and then getting a sample of my insides scraped off. On this particular day however, my health care provider decided that small talk would consist of her complimenting the company that I work for. Apparently a lot of people have expressed their satisfaction with said company. So much so that she's taken to referring them.

Sounds like an anecdote I should pitch for inclusion on the next Weekly Update email from the CEO.

Line Jumpers WILL Kiss My Ass

2008-07-07T09:41:00.001-07:00

I've been crossing the US-Canada border for seven years now and yesterday, I got to do something that's always flashed in my head whenever I see people jump the line. (Confirming yet again the Tsu-man's astute observation that I should NEVER be given a weapon.)

The southbound border crossing currently has three lanes. Two for the regular folks and one that is dedicated as NEXUS ONLY. This means that only people with Nexus cards are allowed to use this lane. There is a signs as Highway 99 ends, signs painted on the cement, a sign as you exit the Duty Free and signs every few feet. Beautiful signs that say, "NEXUS ONLY."

It just so happened that this Pino Van (aptly named as 1.) it was a Toyota and 2.) he had his family and then some packed in there.) was exiting the Duty Free and merging onto the said NEXUS ONLY lane. The rules of the road tell me I should let him merge so I oblige. He inches forward and stops. So I crane my neck and there's nobody in front of him. I tell myself to give him a few minutes because he's got his left turn signal on and is trying to merge into the regular crossing lanes.

And then he did it. He inched forward until he'd moved about five cars length. And stops. Ten minutes later, he moves a couple more feet and does the same thing. The people in the next lane are not letting him through because like good citizens who follow the law, they have been waiting in line for the last hour and they can see that he is trying to jump ahead of the line. So then he just stops there. Until my patience runs out.

I give him a short, little honk. He doesn't move when clearly there is nobody in front of him. I crane my neck out my window and say, "Hey! Buddy! You're not supposed to be in this lane if you don't have a Nexus pass!" He still doesn't move. And I snap. I hammer down on my horn and he finally moves. People are purposely not letting him in now that I've made it (loudly) obvious to everyone else that Mr. Pino Van is trying to cut in front of the line. I ride his ass all the way until some kind soul takes pity on him and allows him to merge. Then I stop right next to him. And I show him one freshly manicured pale pink finger.

Me: "Do you know how to read? This lane is for Nexus card holders only."
Mr. Pino Van: "What the faaaaaaaaaaaaack, man?"
Me: "You're the one who's trying to cut to the front of the line! Fuck you."
Mr. Pino Van: "What the faaaaaaaaaaaaack, man?"
-EDITED-
Mr. Pino Van: "What the faaaaaaaaaaaaack, man?"

Mrs. Pino Van rolls up the window and silences her one liner of a husband. We speed off to the Nexus booth where there are NO CARS AHEAD OF US because the motherfucking Pino Van held up all the Nexus traffic. We scan our cards, have a friendly exchange with the border guard and are on our way.

Yes people, international incidents happen when you get in my way and make my 2 minute border crossing formality into a 45 minute wait. I paid to have the priviledge of using that lane. I paid with cash, I paid with my time, I paid with my privacy. So unless you've done the same thing, fucking get out of the Nexus lane if you don't belong there.

Especially when you're Filipino and you're giving the rest of us a bad rep.

And this is why I stay away

2008-06-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

A qoute from my self professed whore of a sister and how she is trying to justify her actions by pointing fingers at the rest of us.

"June 13, 2008 - Friday

all happy families are alike;
every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way.what did tolstoy mean when he said this??did he mean that happy families are alike in being generic. thus striving for a happy family isn't it-- because being unhappy means individualism and being different?

fuck. my family is so unhappy.it took one drink for my cousin, kate, and I to lay it on the table.one of us is on our high horse and won't speak to everyone else.other's are struggling with their sexuality. one's pregnant. one's divorced.a couple of us didn't get high school diplomas. I'm struggling to get throughcollege. most of us don't have a college degree. everyone's marriage is fucked. my mom's a two-timer. my father's a manic depressive. my brother could have attention defecit disorder.

and I. I am hot-blooded and looking for myself (still).any guy who gives me the time of day, I lap and drool overbecause I have my own insecurity, trust, and attention issues.I constantly keep my guard up so another male doesn't fuckwith me like synor did, or like john did. when I get vulnerable, people piss off and tell me to get over it.jordan tells me bullshit like I shouldn't write him off;and all I think about is how he knows what to say to keep me wanting more.he asked me to make it meaningful the other night, and that mademe feel like a user-- someone just looking to score.for the longest time, I've been okay with that: using people to get over how much I've been used.

then I'm in the shit I let my guard down and no one wants to hold my handthrough it. fuck people. if there's one thing I'm learning, you really cannotdepend on anyone else for any reason. no one will be there, no one willlove you as much as you could love yourself. you can't love anyone when youdon't practise self respect. and with that advice, think of how many other people love themselves-- everyone is preoccupied with their own problems,their own self-reflection, their money, their jobs, their orgasms-- much too muchfor you to expect anyone to really care about you as much as you could careabout yourself.

true love, truer than true love, truer love than you could ever know:"he knew I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, orhas loved you, or will love you, and also I love you in a way no one loves you,or has loved you, or will love you, and also I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyoneelse. he knew that is is, by love's definition, impossible to love two people."this quote is repeated because it exemplifies every absurd notion I have about love.

for that reason, I cannot love my family. I cannot wholly love my friends.I can never give myself to someone without knowing he regards that statementas much as I do. call me hopeless. call me a romantic.do not call me a hopeless romantic. I hope stronger and fiercer than most.

because in better news, until I find mr. right,mr. right now does not have to worry about my love-struck neuroses.

I understand I took this blog from families to relationships.=xforgive the inebriation. in jordan's words, "let's just be honest with each other."

Here is a link to her myspace page, that is if any of you are interested in getting to know my bastard half-sister. And I'm supposedly the one on a high horse? HA!

It took a lot of procrastinating to get here

2008-06-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

5:01am - alarm clock goes off. I fumble in the dark for the shorts, tee, socks and sports bra I laid out last night.

5:20am - I am face to face with The Stairmaster.

5:30am - I think to myself, "I've been on this thing 10 minutes, I should probably stop for a bit and stretch my legs." (more procrastinating!) So I feel the burn a little more as I stretch my quads then I am back at it.

5:34am - I am out of breath and start breathing in the Lamaze fashion. I look around at the two middle-aged ladies huffing and puffing in the next row of ellipticals. I decide to try to convince myself I should step to the beat of Kamera's Lies to keep my mind off the fact that I am struggling.

5:45am - I cut the 40 minute Stairmaster session to 25 minutes and head to the row of bike machines where I spend the next 30 minutes wondering how the hell working out got so hard.

6:15am - I move on to weights and stretches and start to feel like my old self.

Apparently the trick is consistency. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. I guess I'll just have to cope with my borderline anaphylactic reaction to cardio if I'm to fit into my skinny jeans and party dresses for wedding season.

On The Shanghai Express

2008-06-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

-3/24/08-

Hey guys!

Internet was a bit sporadic our first week here but we've discovered a coffee place with free access! China is not so backwards after all! Well, I take that back. I did have to SQUAT to pee in every bathroom in Beijing except for the hotel. I hope that won't be the case in Shanghai because it's pretty evident I'm unable to grow a penis and well.. a girl can only take so much degradation. (I'm still mentally sitting in a corner and hugging myself.)

Just survived our last big weekend here. Hong Kong is totally a day camp for adults! They take the "work hard, play hard" mantra pretty seriously here. They have as many party districts as they do shopping. How lucky for me that we're right smack in the middle of three of them! My favorite so far is definitely Lan Kwai Fong. It's very Gwailo-fied so my meager Cantonese is more than enough to get me by. But SoHo comes close, especially since it's a quick ride (or stumble) up the travelators to get back to the Mid-Levels where we're staying.

We spent yesterday on the boat at Repulse Bay. The gang wakeboarded and I enjoyed the sun. Then we were off to a hike called Dragon's Back (because of course, everything has to be named after a mythical creature of power over here. Dragons, Phoenixes.. geeks will love it here!). The apex can only be reached after a thousand steps! But it was worth it for the view, and I can't complain about getting a base tan early either. haha. Actually, the three of us are a little more like lobsters right now - yes even this brown girl got sunburnt - but we just couldn't waste the sun. So we went to the birthday party with raccoon eyes, red noses and random tan lines. We didn't try our hand at mahjongg but ate some pretty weird food. I think that my threshold was crossed at the sea cucumber course.

Hoping to get a lot more shopping done in Shanghai. Mong kok proved fruitless. I went away with nothing more than the lingering stench of sewer mixed with deep fried stinky tofu. More to come... Hope all is well back home.

Love,
Maxie

Ni Hao!

2008-06-10T11:29:00.000-07:00

-3/23/08 -

Hey guys!

I fucking love Hong Kong!!! I always said I would never move back to Asia but this place is seriously making me think twice now. Once you guys see the pics, you'll see.

Beijing gave me a sore throat. Everyone smokes there, even at restaurants! The food sucked and the city itself was a bit drab but all the attractions were so worth the 14 hour flight out here. Climbing the great wall, seeing the forbidden city and all the old relics of empirical China was a fantastic experience.

The culinary aspect of HK has not disappointed either. French, Chinese, British Pubs in Soho, LAN KWAI FONG!!!

The shopping hasn't been all that fruitful. The "Coach" bags have Gs on the print instead of Cs. I haven't perused any FRolexes. WTH?!?! And I've been in EVERY shopping district. My Octopus card has taken me to Tsim Sha Tsui, Causeway Bay, Admiralty. I'm becoming an increasingly frustrated shopper. I feel a little bit like Julia Roberts in pretty woman, "I've got all this money and nobody will help me!!" haha. well not as much as she had to blow but I was really hoping for a neat souvenir.

We're off to wakeboard Repulse Bay tomorrow (aka. a boat ride for me), then the Big Mahjongg Throwdown Birthday on Monday. Then it's off to Shanghai. One more week but it feels like the seconds are at warp speed. DAMMIT!

More news to come... Miss you guys. But not enough to come home yet.

Love, Maxie

Summertime.. and the livin's easy

2008-06-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

Granted the weather hasn’t really been summer weather over here. Our highs go no farther than 65. Meaning outdoor volleyball has been sporadic. Most outdoor activities have actually been put on hold as the month of June has just officially turned into June-uary.

First things first, updates!

1. Although I didn’t get what I wanted, what with the Hag’s demise not being a permanent one and all, she has been banished elsewhere in the building. I no longer have to begrudgingly tell people I report to the incompetent, mentally crippled, mouth breather.

2. We spent the last two weeks of March in Asia. I’ll follow up this post with emails I sent to the gang from the Far East.

3. Our post-vacation adventures have been more along the lines of domesticity. Currently feeling frazzled with all the moving tasks.

4. Which is a good thing that item #1 happened because I now use my time at work to prop my feet up and relax. See examples below.

5. Sis is prego. ‘Nuff said, right? If only the news didn’t come with the obligation to visit. First of all, it would be late July in Vegas (I want the sun but not that much!) and secondly, well… it would be another awkward family gathering. But then again, we’ve turned dysfunction into an art. I’ll be fine.

If not, I will definitely be fine after spending a long weekend in Cabo San Lucas in August!

March Madness

2008-04-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

Punctuated by:

Crazy girlfriends acting up due to lack of attention. Proof yet again that even the best of our gender can be high-maintenance at times.
A trip to Asia: eating weird food, meeting new and old friends and giving in to the luxury of escape.
First tan lines of the year!
The depression that sinks in after coming back from a vacation.

I'd elaborate more but I haven't quite composed my thoughts as of yet.

You can call me Angela today

2008-02-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

Wednesday morning at the office. The Hag is offsite to recruit more nincompoops into the fold. So Crazy Cube Neighbor decides she wants to get chatty.

9:20am
Crazy Cube Neighbor: Hey Max, how's it going?
Me: I'm ok.
Crazy Cube Neighbor: Oh wow, you and Becky have almost the same necklace on today.
Me: Oh really, I haven't seen her so I can't tell.

Crazy Cube Neighbor then goes and asks Fungus Face if she wants to go on a smoke break.

9:23am
Crazy Cube Neighbor: Hey Max, how are you today?
Me: You just asked me that.
Crazy Cube Neighbor: Oh.... Sorry.

Note to self: Bring headphones to work tomorrow. And never play tennis with Crazy Cube Neighbor again.

Yes, the Tsu-man is right. I am a very angry person.

Phone Advice Needed

2008-02-20T09:01:00.000-08:00

I'll be leaving for Hong Kong and China in three weeks time. I've got lists of things to purchase for my sister, friends and myself. But the one thing I would really like to take home with me is a new smartphone. Apparently, the gap between the Asian and North American cell phone market is beginning to close in. But we here in the west haven't quite caught up. So here are my top choices:

A Nokia N series phone. Preferrably the N96 but I'll be good with the N95.
The Samsung F480. Sounds like it might be a plane, not a phone.
The LG KF510.
The Blackberry Curve 8320. I hate that everyone has a friggin Blackberry.

So once I've figured out which one of these would suit me best, what should I watch out for to ensure I'm not going to be bringing back a brick? I'd like to think Hong Kong's capitalists aren't out to swindle me of my money, but one never knows. If anyone has any advice for lil ol' me, please feel free to leave me a comment or send me an email.

Where did the month of January go?

2008-02-11T11:05:00.000-08:00

The last time I blogged, I had grand plans for travel and celebration. Well I did travel. And there was much celebrating. I think perhaps this last month was a case of time flying when you’re having fun.

I commemorated my twenty ninth glorious year of life with a marathon day of sugar, vino and good friends. (A few of my favorite things, if you don’t already know.) I had French pastries and a heavenly cup of espresso from Avenue Bread in the morning. I spent my day at work doing absolutely nothing. Not new and unusual, yes. But I wasn’t about to start picking up the slack on the anniversary of my very being.

It was off to the Bellwether for happy hour with the select gal pals after the grind. Had some calamari and pinot grigio for an aperitif. My whirlwind day continued with dinner at D’anna’s Cafe. The rich, luscious pasta, andouille sausage, shiitake mushrooms and spicy tomato sauce went perfectly with La Crema’s Pinot Noir. For dessert, it was opera cake from the Mount Bakery. Ahh.. I should have been in my twenties during the eighties. Excess suits me well, don’t you think? The cherry on top? I had another birthday celebration with the fam the weekend after. More cake, more vino and this time all my fave Chinese dishes as only Eddie Baby can cook them.

Who needs TV when you've got friends this entertaining?

Opera cake.. mmmmmmmmm...

On the 23rd of January the Tsu-man and I boarded a plane to Montreal, Canada. We were there to complete the final step of his immigration process, and to see the sights of course. Long story short, the trip was a success. I plan to blog about it in more detail the next chance I get. I’ve yet to organize pictures and unpack my suitcase so as you can probably guess, the state of my affairs are about as backed up as a constipated geriatric.

Binary Solo!

2008-01-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

Nick the Greek recently introduced me to Flight of the Conchords (and 2 Girls, 1 Cup but I'm not going to rave about that!) and I am hooked. My inner nerd can't help but love their humor.

I don't deserve to be spoiled

2007-12-25T15:54:00.000-08:00

And to think all I really asked for was some warm gloves.

MAC gift card from brother-in-law. He'd be such a catch, from his neverending knowledge of what girls want to the perfect chotchk-y (but not wink&agun-y) conversation style, but you all know what that spells out: P-L-A-Y-E-R.

Prada clutch from BFF JJ - I've said it before and I'll say it again, a girl only needs a handful of female friends. Version 1 (now ex) BFF's got me candleholders and enamel desk cell phone holders. WTF? I'm so glad those were collateral damage during the big fight. I heard the three of them split the goods up like vultures going for the kill.

Nike hoodie from Rupinder - YOU ROCK! Brother Neil sang high praises of the hoodie. Also you know how challenged I am when buying casual clothes. Love the little pocket for my mp3 player. Maybe we should go running together now? (I know I've gained some poundage this holiday season. And there are still atleast 3 parties lined up for us. ohhhhhh....)

Nintendo DS Lite, Louis Vuitton Oskar Waltz purse, Professional Deep Fryer, Hot-haute black stiletto boots from the beau. He knows me well. Diamonds can take a back seat.

Burton gloves from Ma & Pa T. I'm finally going to have warm hands if I ever find myself atop a snow covered mountain. I'm inspired to build a cold weather wardrobe - hopefully avoiding the snowbunny look altogther.

Bottle of German Riesling from the Angry Ketchup & Mustard fam. Another one to keep for a special occassion.

The best part - the snow is slowly accumulating outside. Although we didn't have a White Christmas this morning, we may very well do so in time for the big family din-din tonight! Merry Christmas everyone!

When Life Takes Over

2007-12-19T17:41:00.000-08:00

My 10 excuses for not blogging these last three weeks:

1.) Wedding dress shopping with the BFF and her cronies left me scarred. I don't know if it was all the southern women in one car or driving the wrong way on a one way street in the middle of downtown Seattle (and playing chicken with an F-150 which led to me dropping the F-bomb in front of the BFF's two moms) or suffering the misconception of gweilos when it comes to good Chinese food.

2.) Spending some time in Texas and Louisiana and getting spoiled with 70 degree weather in December. I didn't care that everyone coasted at 90 mph, that I was in a teensy Hyundai or that I drove the seven plus hours from Dallas to Baton Rouge. I had the sun roof open and the sun was on my face. When I got back home, the realization that winter isn't even half over sent me straight into the existential blues.

3.) The fab sushi at Tsunami makes up for being dog-tired and the lack of a good dance station in the Baton Rouge area. The Japanese Magnolias (plum wine + sake) come a close second. Ofcourse there's the hot cajun boys, but I can't very well set my single gal friends up with guys 2000 miles away.

4.) Getting off the plane in time for my Nexus interview. Hooray for not sitting in line at the border!

5.) Staying in town for two nights to relive Christmas in the 80s at the Stevenson Christmas Sweater party. Gold fishnets, red leg warmers, stilettos, a christmas sweater with twin nutcrackers and the piece de resistance - a christmas cross-stitched apron.

6.) Turning back around and flying out the next day for a conference in Baltimore. I was with the Veep's ex-admin and our resident actuary, aka the fourth floor heartthrob. The next three days were unremarkable, uneventful and tiring. The USA Today Crossword came in very handy at the conference. Ofcourse we didn't realize until the last day that the conference was being recorded on video and there was a camera nestled on the ceiling above us.

7.) Flight delays due to bad weather in Denver on the way home. Thank goodness for episodes of Family Guy, Dexter and Nip/Tuck. Note to self: don't watch Nip/Tuck when seated in between two silver-haired men, it's not worth getting hit with liquid projectile when they react to an interracial swingers party scene.

8.) My car needed some attention.

9.) Celebrating the first two days of my use-it-or-lose-it time off by catching up on chores. Six loads of laundry is not normal for one person but the bathroom redo turned out great results though.

10.) Finally doing my Christmas shopping, wrapping, card-writing, reading and mailing. I think I made my Chrismas housewife persona proud.

DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE!

2007-11-28T14:55:00.000-08:00

VP Chicken Legs is married to VP Ugly Sweater. She loves her horse. She loves her horse so much that everyday she visits the CEO’s personal schlepper, Miss Cackler, to chat about the damn thing. Today’s issue was the $75 training fee for a 15-minute session in which her horse took all of two steps.

So if it's true that the higher you get on the corporate ladder, the easier it is to slack off, then I must be getting some of the best training. Granted I am not yet at VP Ugly Sweater’s level where I can blatantly take off for three hours to drive thirty miles away for a midday horse training session. But I sure am catching on fast. It’s my third day back from vacation and I can honestly say, my unproductive streak has now gone an unbroken 2 and a half weeks straight. It’s all the more gratifying since the CEO’s view out of her glass wall is my piece of the square pie at Cubedom. I wonder if she’d notice, were I to pull a George Kostanza and take a nap under my desk?

So what started this whole train of thought? Overhearing VP Ugly Sweater say the most hilarious thing at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Once she was done chatting about the training session to fellow horseshit-shoveller Miss Cackler, she walks over to the CEO’s waiting area. Seated on the couch was the almighty, self-important, motormouth, ex used car salesman and now god of insurance sales, J. fucking C. The two strike up another conversation and are joined by the only southern man I know who must tan using a tanning bed, the suspender-wearing, training expert, GM.

VPUS: Look at you sitting quietly while waiting for D**** (aka the only CEO I know that only has a BA to her name).
JC: Yeah, I’ll just camp here till they’re done.
GM: Oh no, I’ve got me a 2pm audience with her.
JC: Well, I’m staying right here. Even if I fall asleep on this here couch.
VPUS: Miss Cackler will wake you up. She’s the gatekeeper.
GM: Or I’ll nudge ya when I’m done.
VPUS: You know what you need? You need a shocker! We could get you one of those shock collars.
GM: Zap you awake!

The Shark has a theory the VP Chicken Legs is the way he is because his brute of a wife is actually his dominatrix and forces the riding crop and gag on him nightly. Good God, I think he hit the nail right on the head.

For the noobs - SHOCKER Now go flash it proudly.

You mean it's still winter?

2007-11-27T09:02:00.000-08:00

There’s no better reality check than coming back from four days of sand, sun, good food and great friends to work and home - where it is a wet, 37 degrees and chances of snow overnight. It was cold in Tofino, and the sun being out was an exception rather than the norm. We made sure to soak it up by going on hikes and seeing the quaintness of the little artsy town. Once that was done, I spent some time catching up on my reading and watching old movies while the rest of the group played football out on the beach. As much fun as it looked, I was so happy to switch to some downtime and was fully content being in the warm cottage in between hot tub soaks.

But now it is my second day back at work. I’ve got my scarf wrapped around my neck, my fingers are icicles and the frozen toe syndrome is starting to kick in despite the wool socks. It’s taking all the willpower not to get up, tell the Hag to go fuck herself, go back home and straight into the warmth of my goose-down. Incentives to staying? Hmmm.. 1.) Not quitting job assures future vacations. 2.) I really would like to stick around to watch her die at her desk and go undiscovered for days. 3.) Nanay’s squash soup for lunch. Mmmm…. A hot, creamy, puree of squash, onions, garlic, potatoes, herbs, with my own twist – a pat of melted butter, ricotta cheese and soy milk – and a dash of chili powder for some heat. I guess that settles it. I’ll stick around, if only to enjoy my lunch while hoping for the Hag to choke on hers.

Another reality check? There are only 28 shopping days until Christmas, even less for the ones that I have to mail out. ACK!

I swear I'm not medicated

2007-11-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

More Mondays should be Tuesdays. I envy people who work 10 hours shifts for four days for their three day weekends. Naturally, I don't envy them for the 40 hours of work but who in their right mind would? A four day work week.. I think I'll put that on my Christmas wish list.

I'm back from a three day weekend celebrating the Tsu-man's birthday. We drove down to Seattle to play tourists. We hit the Seattle Aquarium, the Pacific Science Center, the Museum of Flight and went on a cruise of Elliott Bay. It was a fun weekend, made even more perfect by mother nature gracing us with some much needed sun. And so it is that I find myself in such a good mood that I've got nothing to bitch about.

Sitting in a Blackbird's cockpit.

"Ladies, please be careful of your language...there may be gentlemen present."

A windy day on Elliott Bay

Hey, it could be worse

2007-11-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

Last night, I went to costco for spinach, mozzarella and juice. I left with lasagna ingredients and eight kinds of cheese. Not a big deal, right? Except that I live alone most of the week and well... is a weakness for good cheese reason enough? Be that as it may, my refrigerator has now been taken over by this stuff. Garlic White Cheddar, Roasted Cracked Black Pepper White Cheddar, Extra Sharp Cheddar, Smoked Sharp Cheddar, Creamy Havarti, Mozzarella, Cottage Cheese and Ricotta. Add that to the half eaten Smokey Bar and Roquefort that I've had around for salads and I'm only two short of a dozen. Fark! Please don't send me to cheesaholics anonymous just yet. I'm sure I can get this under control.

I Shall Never Again Make Fun Of Polka

2007-11-08T08:45:00.001-08:00

Deep in the boonies of British Columbia, a little town on Bradner road holds an annual Oktoberfest in November. Bavarian food, music and fun are always on the menu. As is the most famous libation all throughout the month of October - Beer. We went not knowing what to expect, just that we were in for a night of hilarity with some good friends. After we'd had some bratwursts (the rest of the traditional Bavarian fare was present but I can't even begin to name them all) and a couple pints of dark beer later, we joined everyone on the dancefloor (sans lederhosen) for some traditional and modern Bavarian dances. Neil Diamond, Elvis and the Dire Straits remixed with a polka beat made for an interesting soundtrack. There was even an impromptu Ukranian Hopak dance circle. No, we did not dance to Boney M's Rasputin. That's where I draw the line.

Here are some of the pictures from the evening.

I can't make this shit up even if I tried!

2007-11-07T11:52:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here listening to the Hag and Certifiably Crazy Missy Kissy arguing about whether website is spelled with a capital W or not. Apparently CMS spells it with a capital W whereas MS Word doesn't - and that is enough to make them doubt themselves? Oh wait, they've now come to a stalemate and the Hag has decided to ask Goth Girl Jess instead. Hot, fried Christ on a stick, I work with first class morons, I tell you.

Remember, remember the fifth of November

2007-11-05T10:44:00.000-08:00

Today is Guy Fawkes Day. I am well aware that a resolution will never come about of bombing the hell out of each party (Palestine v. Israel, need I say more?) But it hasn’t stopped me from imagining the two things that make my life harder being blown into smithereens.

The Hag – as the lone occupant in the Brown Building of Doom. What? Hasn't the organization been trying to test its disaster recovery plan for years now?

The Slow Lane at the Border on Friday afternoons – including the man in the orange vest who forced me onto it last Friday. After seven years of crossing the damn border, ofcourse I know the right lane is always the faster one. Forty five minutes and seventy pairs of tail lights later, I get another newbie in the booth asking me stupid questions.

“No, I have never been denied entry into Canada.”
“Yes, this is my car.”
“No, I have nothing to declare.”
“No, I don’t have weapons or tobacco on board.”
To this he says, "Carry on." (Yessiree, big military reject sir.)

Fuckin Eh. These newbie guards and their lack of confidence in decision making are the leading cause of people getting the two finger strip search special, I tell you. But I was up there to celebrate the Tsu-man’s upcoming birthday and the plan was for the whole family to go out for dinner. So once I passed the border, I did what I usually do - suppress my anger and save it for a blog post.

The Tsu-man was proven right, yet again, when he said that it would only take half an hour with the family for me to realize I didn’t miss them all that much – despite their three week absence while in China. The evening's festivities started with a fifteen minute parking spot hunt (going the wrong direction on a one way lane included) and loitering at the restaurant hallways (the Art of the Neverending Hello and Goodbye is as Brazillian as caipirinhas and thong bikinis, so I’ve been told time and time again.) while blocking out the rest of the other patrons. After much debate, the patriarch mandated we were to eat despite not having our full party present (well, they were more than 30 minutes late.) What started out as a giant comedy of errors, or an exercise in patience, turned out to be a wonderful evening. Crab galore, a chocolate fountain and I even got Cameron to sleep when everyone else struck out!

Now THIS is my kind of midweek party!

2007-11-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

A costume party at the local rainbow bar - my kind of crowd, my kind of music and most certainly, my kind of party! (there were no ladies trying to sell me candles, that's for sure!)

The MAC goodies were put to use as I donned a kimono and put on my geisha face. Gleam coat mixed with bare canvas paint made for a very pale face. Pink Opal and Cranberry eyeshadow and black liquid eyeliner made for a stern mask.

A call from the satyr and her entourage confirmed they had left for the Cabaret room and would meet us there. My partner in crime Cece and I posed for a couple pictures at her house, since Rupinder would not be convinced to come out, and also made our way to freak central on Railroad Ave. Claudia was her usual bomb self (looking quite dapper in a three piece pinstripe suit) and let us in gratis.

Once the congregation was complete, we met the fabulous Betty Desire herself. Mac Daddy Jun and his personal muscle/cop on payroll Russell, were out for a little bit (and found the fembots real quick, it seems!) before moving on to the Fairhaven. We also met a couple of merrymakers who kept asking whether I had already had my mizuage (Can I plead the fifth?) and would I do a fan dance. HA! They moved on once they caught sight of the horned satyr. They loved her so much, they wanted to dance with her all night. (Exhibit A, horn licking.)

Guess who ended up in a freakshow fivesome sandwich on the dancefloor later that night? ha! My kimono was almost shed to reveal my back up costume (Madonna circa the 90's - bustier and booty shorts), because of the sweat it attracted. The downside of clubbing is definitely the second hand sweat you are bound to be slathered with. So although the kimono provided the necessary barrier while on the dancefloor, it made for a clammy ride home, and the motivation for beating the current world record for shortest time from the door to the tub!

All in all, it was a fantastic evening and,believe it or not, I was the designated driver too! Geisha girl loved her coke on the rocks all night.

Should I Be Embarrassed?

2007-10-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

Probably! Here is a sample of the craziness that went on Saturday night. Bad wigs, endless booze, beer pong, air hockey, fooz and karaoke? The memories make me want to hide under the covers in shame and yet.. here they are.

Who Loves Halloween?

2007-10-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

I do! I do! Having survived the infamous Creech party, I am now setting my sights on what the 'Ham has to offer for Halloween. So far, most of the responses I've gotten are the paltry, stay at home and hand candy out plans. NOOOOO! This may not be West Hollywood or NYC, but by golly, there must still be some people in this college town that know how to party! WTF?!

EDIT 10/30/07:
Madame Butterfly gets to party after all!

Tell me again why girls prefer to stay in and paint eachother's nails?

2007-10-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

I'm done waiting for America to catch up to the French. Wine with lunch on a workday may be a no-no here. (Only if you get caught, is what I say!) But today, I accidentally found a way to beat the system. A slice of tiramisu made with potent rum & frangelico mixed into the espresso. Sweet, creamy and a buzz-addict's heaven. Mmm... What a perfect way to start a Friday afternoon. I'm finishing it off with steaks and poker this evening. Granted I'll probably donate to the D$ poker winnings fund but by then, I'll probably be extra happy since I'd have consumed most of a good bottle of pinot noir that I've been saving for such an occassion. La Crema Pinot Noir. Not your big name Burgundy or Bordeaux. But I'm a big fan of an undervalued, highly rated wine. Steaks, wine and poker with some of my favorite boys. A girl can't ask for more.

Lumpia, rice, tabouleh and tiramisu

2007-10-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

Tonight, the Tsu-man and I are visiting Der Heimerenator at his new abode. While the two of them get busy with routers, Xbox games and plasma gawking, I shall be cooking dinner. Although I usually take into consideration the other diners' wants and likes, tonight will be all about me. And people thought Oscar the Grouch ate weird food combinations. ha!

Midweek Suburban Parties Are. So. Not. For. Me.

2007-10-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

Lord help me, the UBFF is getting hitched!

Months of successful avoidance resulted in one of the most sacred of BFF activities - a Partylite candle party. I arrived late with the hopes that I would find an inconspicuous corner to perch at. But from the greeting at the hallway, to the fawning over pouring me a glass of wine, I knew there was no escape. I would have to play along.

"Oh you haven't seen my ring yet! Isn't it gorgeous?"
"It's beautiful. He did a good job."
"Yes, it's two carats! There's even a diamond underneath my big diamond!"
"Lovely!"

Yes, the ring is two carats TOTAL WEIGHT. The rock itself is a modest .6-.7 of a carat. I'm Flip, these things are intrinsic. (and of the utmost importance when reporting back to other friends who have sent me to the Lion's Den, right Rupinder?)

Her co-workers, gym instructor (who she claims will whittle her down to a size 8-10), neighbors, neighbor's annoying drunk sister, volleyball friends (that's where I was one of two) and some random lady (who promptly responded that she should go more for a 10-12 and not an 8-10 since it will be next to impossible coming from the size 14 that she is now) were in attendance.

As candle parties go, hers was a successful one with $800 in sales. I know what you're thinking. Jesus, all that money for candles that will get burnt? Why not appropriate it for starving children instead? I spent because it's the politics of friendship. The neighbors spent because they we're keeping up with the Joneses. The co-workers spent because they had never been to a Partylite party before. Diplomats. Competitors. Virgins.

The invitation said 6:30 - 10pm and by golly, she meant to have me stay until the end. Once the room started clearing up, the bridal magazines came out.

"Are you free on November 10th?"
"Ah sorry, it's the Tsu-man's birthday"
"Damn! There is a trunk show in La Conner that day!"
"Oh maybe K can go with you?"
"Yeah, but I want you there. We have to go to the Demetrios shop in Bellevue. I need to order my dress now if we're having the wedding in April!"
"Yeah, dresses take months. So you've set the date? I just wanted to let you know that we're thinking of going to China next year, possibly around that time."
"Okay but don't go in April. Come to Costa Rica instead. If not there, then the Carribean."
"I'll have to check."
"December first! Let's go then! We can go to Elaine's first and then Demetrios in the afternoon. And we can go to PF Chang's for lunch!" (Size 8-10, riiiight.)

The Neighbor's Annoying Drunk Sister pipes up with, "Have you found a dress? You should try all the styles because I guarantee! I GUARANTEE YOU! YOU WILL WANT A DRESS THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT WHEN YOU WALKED IN THAT STORE! EVERYBODY DOES THAT!"

And that was when I had enough. "No, not me. I walked in there knowing I wanted a mermaid cut dress and I got me a mermaid cut dress."
NADS (quite the fitting nickname as I seriously wanted to kick her like I would kick a man in the crotch) goes, "Well, did you have fun at your wedding? Cause when I tried a mermaid dress on, I felt like my knees were pasted together."
"You bet I did and I wore my mermaid dress the whole night!"
"Well my husband would never have gone for it. When he walks, I have to keep up."

And this is why your stay at home, new mom self is sloshed out of your mind at a fucking candle party on a Tuesday evening. Go tell your overbearing husband off and then get a life!

Lord help me, the UBFF is getting hitched - and these are the kind of people invited!

Optimism was never my strong point but here goes...

2007-10-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

A few signs that I have finally beat the flu:

I'm on top of my game at work. I came in thirty minutes late. I have since proceeded to ice my white mocha (neglecting the espresso machine for the past week meant this morning I had to clean, put fresh water, grind beans.. no excuse but it did contribute to the tardiness), respond to emails, read an article on how to deal with co-workers who may be from the WWII or Baby Boomer Generation (to which I reply, mandatory retirement is the answer) and blog. Another day of doing jack shit? I'll drink to that!

The rice craving is back and I'm giving in. I indulged and made a pot of creamy, spicy, salty, sweet Portuguese chicken curry to go with freshly steamed rice. This, coupled with a serving of Law & Order: SVU? It was all I could do not to moan from pleasure. (and Rice Power didn't fail me at my late evening, womens' practice last night. Then again, it never does.)

It's a fabulous hair day. Rockin' the mild beehive ponytail with a demure little headband. Straight out of a friggin' wedding hair catalog, much? I know it's trivial. But somedays, there isn't a whole hell of a lot to get excited about around here... except perhaps how to do your hair and what color lipstick to wear.

Going costume hunting with gusto. The Tsu-man and I are going as Lois & Peter Griffin to the Creech annual on Saturday. I'll be running around town tonight trying to find an orange wig, a Stewie doll, red hair spray, green pants and round, black frames.

That said, although October almost always marks the beginning of long, cold winter nights for me, I am feeling really good about this year. There will actually be a truth to my answers everytime I reply to the requisite inquiring niceties with, "I'm great! Just keeping busy, the usual stuff." Now if I can just manage to escape somewhere south of the equator sometime in the next few months, I'll even accept being called spoiled.

I've Become A Mouth Breather By No Choice Of My Own

2007-10-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

I've been down for the count past week. Extreme fatigue, fever, cough, cold, sore throat, aches and pains. All symptoms of the flu or, what we call in my native Filipino dialect as, "trankaso." I've always wondered why we called it that. So etymologically, do I have a case of the trannies? If only that were so. The skin around my nose is raw - and I didn't even have the high that normally comes with snuffing! On a lighter note, maybe a week long diet of miso soup will work wonders on my bilbil.

Girlfriend better go back to hacking up a lung now.

Stress Eating Comes Naturally

2007-10-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

You guys are the best. My bum self runs out of things to talk about and yet, you still come and wish me well. My laziness was brought on by the continued frustration with the job sitch. But a slim chance of a job change was enough to revive the Over Sharing Queen’s French manicured fingers into a typing frenzy.

What I did during the blogging hiatus:

Spent an early Canadian Thanksgiving with the fam. Eddie Baby (aka Iron Chef Tsui) outdid himself again with the spread. Crustaceans and eggs. Baked and broiled poultry. Wok stirred four-legged grass eaters. Flash sauteed, scaled water dwellers. Shiitake mushrooms in oyster sauce, yams and Caesar salad. After the main course, we had to make room for the strawberry and peach trifle that I made. It accompanied the mango pudding (it’s still not as good as the mangoes from back home but it’ll do.) and the pumpkin cheese torte and Kona coffee perfectly.
Watched a lot of Dexter and Weeds while alternating between white chocolate brownies and popcorn. I also threw in some rice crackers and hummus since I was trying to cancel out the unhealthiness of the previous two.
Ate a lot of sushi and dim sum. Rice and soy sauce trumps mac n’ cheese as comfort food any day. Plus, its so much more fun to see your ankles get bloated from the sodium overdose. Luckily, the salt hasn’t quite caught up with me yet.
Resuscitated the increasingly lethargic muscles in my gluteus maximus, by going back to my twice a week volleyball schedule. Sometimes, we got lucky enough to play on Saturday nights too. Now if I can just get motivated to go back to the gym.
Tsu-man and I spent $50+ bucks on frigging coffee and tea drink supplies. Kahlua lattes. Ghirardelli white or dark chocolate mochas. Spiced or vanilla chai tea lattes. All in your choice of fat free, soy, or rice milk and with matching to go cups if you prefer it iced. What a couple of coffee crazeees we are. But now I can pour you a latte with an artsy heart! Ha!
Polished up the ol’ CV (with Mama D's awesome editing) and applied for another position within the company. It will still be in the area of compliance and not under the Hag’s domain. Oh wait; it can’t be under her domain because the new position will be doing responsibilities she has been stripped of – without her knowledge. So although I would like to gloat to you all about how she reacted when I informed her about the new opening, I will for now keep you in the dark. But I promise to discuss the matter in detail once I have heard more certain news.
I lurked. And lurked. And lurked some more. I apologize for not writing back on all the lovely comments. I had a two-week long pity party / bad case of I-had-nothing-nice-to-say. None of which was brought about by y’all. Sometimes, even the toughest of us bitches just needs a break, I guess.

The Procastinator's Rule 1.1

2007-10-02T15:47:00.000-07:00

When faced with a work deadline - go shopping.

Bereavement leave is in corporate policies for a reason! I shall be away from this Brown Building of Doom for five whole days. I busted my ass all day yesterday and most of today to get some of my work done. But the remaining seventeen case files I need to review are going to have to sit tight until I come back on Monday. This serves two purposes: make the Hag sweat a little by thinking it's not going to get done in time and, it frees up my time to go shoe shopping online.

Indoor volleyball starts next week. Due to my lame flat feet, I'm going to have to find a shoe that has built in arch support. Asics seems to be a popular favorite but I'd rather wait for my resident Nike connoisseur, Rupinder, to give me his recommendations.

The time to don the spandex is nearing. Must check out Lululemon's new shorts asap. But this makes me think of the other Canadian store that I absolutely have to set foot in everytime I am in VanCity. M.A.C. They have been teasing me for weeks that the holiday palettes should be coming out pretty soon.

So my next trip to Canada will mean stops at Metrotown for shoes, shorts, girly stuff, boots, sweaters and Asian groceries @ T&T. Damn it. Just like that, my shopping list has exploded into mushroom cloud proportions. And I'm not even thinking about Christmas yet!

What's another one?

2007-10-01T06:15:00.001-07:00

I've spent a good part of my life saying my goodbyes to people.

My family falls into the overseas worker / first generation immigrant category. Getting here has required severing ties to family and friends who did not have the opportunity to move with me. Yes, I said sever. I've never been good at maintaining correspondence. So I tend to use the fade away technique. Of course, there have been times when banishment has saved me from having to keep in contact. Some of which I am thankful for. Others I regret to my very core.

Over the years, it's gotten easier to accept that the kind of relationships I have are transitory. I was five when I first heard, "Your parents left you with us to find a better job. So you can have a better life." It would not be the last time I would hear it. The tone eventually changed from explanatory to cautionary to condemnation. As I grew older I realized it was usually followed with, "It's not even my job to have to care for you so don't you dare complain." or "It's a good thing your father is sending money or else you'd be out on the street." Sure, I'll have some rice with that salt, thank you.

I always knew I would have to leave one day. So after years endured with my father's family, I jumped at the chance. I made a deal with the devil herself and moved to Chicago with my mother. (After all, she was the reason my nuclear family disintegrated to having parents in two different continents and nannies to look after the children. As two incomes dwindled to one, the nannies got let go and the children got shipped off to the familial home in the province.)

The day of my excommunication isn't one I've forgotten. It was a day when I said goodbye to so many people. The aunts and uncles who warned me, that forgiveness and acceptance would only be given if I would come crawling back, are not ones I look back on fondly. It broke my heart to have to leave my sisters with them. But that is a geographical gap that has been fixed. The existence of love was never an issue with the three of us. I'd like to think it's the same with my father. But until the man considers communicating, things are at a stale mate.

In the last few years, I have gone through an overhaul of friends. It was easier this time around. I said, "Steel yourself, Woman!", and cut the ties with people I no longer care to be associated with. People I cannot stand to be around. People who hurt me. People I, sometimes sadly, have had to write off. People I relegate to memory, as a loved one who has passed away.

Death is a fact of life. It is a time that regrets surface, apologies are belated and memories are ingrained. But as I learned about my grandmother's impending expiration this weekend, I asked my husband if it was normal that I didn't feel much like crying. Am I supposed to be remorseful that I can't shed a tear for a woman I haven't seen in almost a decade? For someone who didn't even remember me as a granddaughter because of a deteriorating mental capacity? For someone who clearly exercised favoritism between her children and grandchildren? So I was on the sacrificial end of it but the fact of the matter is - I have no regrets or apologies for this woman, and my memories of her are ones I'd rather not keep.

I'm sad. I'm going to do what is expected and send money, say a prayer and comfort my sisters. But this is about all I can muster. Am I cold hearted or just a product of emotional evolution? The times I have put myself out there and proposed a reconcilliation have not amounted to much. I wrote them off by saying that I am simply a bad daughter, friend or person. I'm conflicted with whether or not I should make amends now that I have decided to enjoy and appreciate the relationships I have. But should I really bother?

For the disturbed creeps in all of us

2007-09-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

The Shark recommended I watch this show. He was right. I loved it. Dexter proved to be deliciously indulgent. It's not for the squeamish. You'd have to enjoy dark, gory stories of murder, torture and revenge. And a series about a vigilante serial killer is right up my alley. Throw in a little trauma and mental illness and I'm already cooking up a batch of popcorn.

I believe there is a little bit of a sociopath in all of us. Some have a better rein over their dark desires. Some don't. People, it's ok to find a coping mechanism and give in once in a while. This is why you don't hear about me in the news. ha!

Just another wet and dreary Friday

2007-09-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

Fucking hell. Now I remember why I took a lot of Fridays off this summer. It's my first Friday back in a couple months. The timing isn't bad seeing as it's in the low 60's and wet outside. But despite having managed to allocate my time wisely, I am still ready to set my hair on fire. Some memorable highlights of the day:

9am trip to the cafe next door for a soy vanilla chai tea latte.

11:30 am trip to Wasabee for sushi with Rupinder (I managed to stretch my 30-minute lunch to three times the length. What can I say, driving time adds up. haha!)

2pm trip to the three other buildings where the company has set up temporary work sites while a permanent plan is put in place. I was there as the unofficial Compliance representative making sure the HR posted the current edition of the required Labor Law posters. I love that Girlfriend JJ works in HR and is keenly aware of the need to involve auditors.

3pm trip to Sane Ex-Coworker's cube to observe visiting agent trainee's shoes. They were patent, taxicab yellow, open-toed platforms. It made for a good show. She juggled smoking a cigarette, talking on her cellphone and holding down her skirt so she wouldn't flash the entire northeast wing of the building, along with the golfing range and the daycare facility next door.

All in all, I think I spent a total of 4.5 (out of a regular 8 hour day) hours at my cube. How many of those hours did I spend being productive? Well, a lady should never tell.

It's past 4pm on a Friday. I should be excited to get out of here. Unfortunately, I'm going to spend the next hour and a half driving. I hope to use my cunning and years of border experience to avoid the afternoon line ups. Oh wait. It's no longer the crowds that are the problem. It's the construction. For those of you attempting to drive northbound into Western Canada, this is your warning.

Winter hibernation formula

2007-09-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Take the following fact:

Sudden drop in temperatures = Maxie breaks out in (literally!) hives

and postulate the following hypothesis:

Maxie with Hives = Maxie on Zyrtec

Maxie on Zyrtec = Zombie Maxie

Zombie Maxie = No booze

because

Zombie Maxie + Booze = Blackouts

Concludes that:

A.) Pills and booze be taken to fast forward the duration of fall and winter.
B.) Maxie should grow a layer of fur so as to adapt to winter conditions.
C.) Snowbirds have got it made! I want a summer home in Brazil.

The Fall Forecast

2007-09-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

As I've been dreading, the temps are slowly getting lower day by day. Case in point, it was warm and clear at 8am and now it is foggy and cold at 12:30pm! I've accepted it as part and parcel of living by the bay. But it sure makes me miss the hot, lazy afternoons enjoying the summer breeze in a hammock at the ole' Soledad Street compound - in the Philippines, not some cocaina farm in Bogota. (Hmm... I wonder if it would up my street cred if I told people I once lived in a compound? HAHA!)

For the next 8 months, open toed shoes are going to be on the endangered species list. Well, maybe only for me. My tropical-lovin' self suffers from acute Frozen Toe Syndrome if it's 60 degrees or lower. It's a good thing layering is in style and tights no longer come in your basic opaque black. Although it's not a bad look, opaque tights just make me think of nuns. We all know my evil self is certainly not worthy of donning that habit!

Activities are moving indoors as well. Monday Night Football has started. So you guys will find me at the House of Dailey most Mondays. Indoor volleyball should be gearing up pretty soon. Last year's womens team is still solid. I know we will play great again this year. I defected from my old coed team because Rob has put together a great mix of people this year - skill and personality wise! It's not necessarily reflected by our team name which is DWA - Diggers With Attitude (and not Driving While Asian for you donkey orifices out there!) We are a very nice bunch who just happen to enjoy a good ball slapping session or two. ;) I can't wait to play outside hitter again! No more being relegated to the middle just because the guys in my team don't know how to play the position.

I suppose the most exciting news of all is that on Monday, I mailed out what will hopefully be the very last packet of documents to the visa processing center. So in a few weeks, we should find out whether the Tsuman and I are Montreal-bound or not this fall. So if any of you have been to Eastern Canada (EH?) before and have suggestions for restaurants and things to do while we're not watching paint dry at the US Consulate, please send them my way!

Full time job possibility?

2007-09-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

Girlfriends JJ, Lisa Lisa and I went to Le Chat Noir after work last night to play tour guides to a new addition to the HR department. They had just hired this petite, mildly obnoxious, nicotine addict of a gal, dressed in skanky office clothes straight from the fall Bebe collection. It was a perfect night for a enjoying the bay and a bottle of Shiraz, some fondue, steamed clams, skewered shrimp and (then there's JJ's juvenile tastebuds) pita bread and salsa. We were joined by JJ's coworker/frenemy, who was actually tolerable. I should know, I sat between the two of them and played buffer. The best part is that I get to do it all over again tonight. Maybe I should start billing my hours as party guest extraordinaire? The jury's out on whether I like this new gal or not. But with summer dying down, I'm happy to have something to do than lament the end of outdoor ball season.

Today is the Heimerenator's birthday. But since he's off to soccer after work, and the rest of the P3 gang are busy, the celebration is going to have to be next week. In the meantime, there are a million last minute things to do before the Tsu-man and I head to Ocean Shores for a wedding this weekend. Hopefully, having tomorrow off will give me some time to take care of the deets. Ugh. It is true what they say, a woman's work is never done.

Girlfriend in a coma

2007-09-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

This week is a two day work week. It wasn't necessarily planned that way. But a bout of "illness" on Sunday and Monday made us miss the last ferry back to the mainland. (Dizzy spells and double duty does not make good passengers.) But no matter, I was going to take every second away from work wherever I can get it from.

I went to court for a parking ticket on Friday. As with everyone who walks in there, I started out with the confidence of a trapeze artist. A few minutes into Judge Smiley's schpiel was enough to put the war freak in me back in it's corner. When it came time, I stood in front of him and mustered the bravado to present my case in as few sentences as possible. I was sent home with a reduced fine (still enough for a pair of jeans, God damn them!) and the threat of mandatory community service if I am ever caught parked at a handicap spot again. HA! Kiss my brown ass, I say.

The rest of the weekend was spent on Vancouver Island. We visited some friends in Victoria. I picked up the second Belle de Jour book. We hiked up Mount Douglas. We saw Clerks II (yet again) and ate vegetarian. It made for a relaxing visit and a most satisfying lunch of sushi once we got back to the mainland. I am definitely an omnivore.

And so with heavy heart, I am back to work - and blogging. Proving once again that there is a serious possibility I could be happy as a kept woman.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

2007-08-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

Things have been a bit blah of late here at the ole Brown Building of Doom. It's not as exciting now that the Hag has taken to avoiding me. he he. It could possibly be that she has taken to targetting a different threat instead. Missy Kissy confirmed the completion of the Hag Bend Over maneuver. She has just been informed that the project coordinator position that was promised to her (and the rest of the department, it seems.) is being taken out of consideration.

The next three weekends are ones to look forward to. The Tsu-man and I are making our annual Labor Day trek to Victoria, BC to visit friends. Then we are off to Ocean Shores, WA for the Davenport-Grey wedding on the 8th. Then it's back to Vancouver for Part I of cousin Louise's nuptial extravaganza on the 15th.

Today is hair cut and color afternoon. But until then ...it's back to the (gulp) grind.

Addendum: It seems this has been the summer of tickets for me. Sista got a speeding ticket (my first one in atleast 7 years) on her way to the hair dressers. Fuck. Sometimes, I really hate Bellingham.

I miss the days

2007-08-21T12:11:00.000-07:00

When the Hag actually did something that would outrage me. Nothing surprises me anymore.

Ever since Sane Coworker moved to a different department, I have been left the lone task of attempting to make the witch choke on her own spit. Then Brown Girl joined forces - for which I was accused of being a bad influence. Nasty Raspy Dolly is still playing the fence. But Missy Kissy (for the easy way with which she has seduced me into friendship) is the newest Hag recruit. Today she got her first taste of what the Hag calls an "application of the Deming Management Method." (Poor W.E. Deming. His name is now going to be mistaken for Buttfuck-Middle-of-Nowhere Deming, WA. It certainly explains her inbred, ignorant logic.)

Missy Kissy: "So I have now been hit with a Hag maneuver. Turns out that she has been promising the project coordinator position that she keeps discussing, to both me and Brown Girl. Nice."
Moi: "Welcome to the club. Let's collectively roll our eyes in 1-2-3! Aside from the lessons brought about by my situation, I wish I could help you somehow."

I wonder how long it will take before Brown Girl and Missy Kissy turn their own formal complaint against the Hag. Maybe I can help by providing guidance? BWAHAHAHA!

For when the going gets rough, the tough get their picture in the press

2007-08-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

So what is there to do when stupidity, age and disability trumps minority status? When HR tells you their hands are tied but "we'll make sure to follow up on the situation and you need to tell us if retaliation occurs"? When VP Chicken Legs decides to put the issue on the backburner? When a confrontation ends in "lets agree to disagree"?

1.) Say fuck them all and quit.
2.) Slit the motherfucker's throat and watch her die slowly.
3.) Push her out her cube window. (I don't think a 4 story fall will work on this witch though.)
4.) Go shopping and have a martini or two.

I think my safest bet is #4. I need a new pair of jeans and dresses for a couple of weddings I'm going to these next few weekends anyway. I would have preferred option #2 but I don't think I'm hardcore enough to survive prison. I know I talk all tough but I really am a creampuff at heart. Besides, stilettos and blogging are not allowed in prison, yeah?

The Infamy of Jake and His Harem

2007-08-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

The girls have all agreed to keep the details of the weekend to ourselves. What I can say is that we certainly made the right decision to make this get together an annual thing. Apparently, that is enough of an interval as the town of Leavenworth still remembered us from last year's rowdy celebration. ("Oh wow, you guys are back! Where is Jake?") Never ones to disappoint, we left the town in an uproar again this year.
Motorboat Queue- see Vince Vaughn's definition in The Wedding Crashers.

A Dance Off- Although we seceded the title to a raggedy haired, Jamiroquai wannabe, it was worth it to pull out The Sprinkler, The Running Man and The Roger Rabbit again.

Logan - apparently, my underage firefighter is quite well known in those parts. (yes, I said MY.) We kept running into his buddies who, in turn, kept calling him to come out and party. Sadly, he was on duty and stuck at the fire station. *Visions of S&TC Samantha come to mind* EEEK! Bianca did have a great idea though - burn the house down and he'll come.

Shots - Buttery Nipples, Chocolate Cakes, Duck Farts, Paralyzers, Porn Stars, Tequila... we were a bottomless pit.

....And that's all folks... heee heee.

I did take home some great bottles of wine! Flavored ones like Asian Pear and Arabica Coffee. Inventive hybrids like the Singing Toad and Lip Service Rose from Maison de Padgett. (Check out the link. I've been preaching about them for years. I just can't stop. I'm so glad they have a wine club for people like me who don't live close to the winery or their tasting rooms.) I also picked up this year's version of hot tub wine, a light Chenin Blanc.

One other new discovery from the weekend: Hangar One vodka. MMM.. MMM... MMM! Hangar One Mandarin Presses may just replace Greyhounds from now on.

Wish I could go into further detail but, I can't be the tattletale of the bunch, can I?

It figures

2007-08-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

The weekend was too good to be true. I knew coming back to work would feel like I crash landed into hell all over again. Yesterday marked my 6th year anniversary here at the Brown Building of Doom. With this milestone, the Hag is obligated to provide me with an evaluation. Her stilted email confirms she would rather be doing something else.

"Your evaluation is due this week and I have to do it on time.

I won't be asking you to do a self evaluation, but please sent me an e-mail today of a couple of things you would like to work on.

I plan to probably do it Friday, but I will want to chat with you a few minutes on Thursday in preparation. I will schedule these times.

I am planning on speaking to your many positive attributes, and a few things to work on.

Thank you." (paragraphs, much?)

Bring it on, bitch. Friday will be a fun day indeed. HR meeting first thing in the morning and now this. he he he.

Leave your man, change your name and shed your skin!

2007-08-07T12:35:00.000-07:00

It's T minutes 75 hours before 8 porn stars- DeeDee, Bianca, Loulou, Shaniqua, Shanaynay and their 3 pledges- make their way to Leavenworth.

The reality of that statement is no more PG-13 than a 9-year old girl's birthday party. Before visions of panty-less women in ripped orange jumpsuits come to mind, let me clarify that we are not going to the all-male maximum security prison in Kansas. It will be a group of girlfriends just hanging out in the similarly named, (fake) Bavarian inspired town located somewhere in central Washington state. We chose the town for it's numerous wine tasting rooms and close vicinity to a river. Good friends don't need a hyped up setting. Besides, the small size of the town ensures we will be able to paint the whole town hot pink! Here is our recipe for this weekend's fun:

Non-fussy women!
A private house, hot tub and jacuzzi.
My new Volcom Slip n' Slide bikini! (Yay, Jap! I found it in black and yellow.)
2 bottles of vodka - for tubing down the river.
Beer - for the non vodka drinkers and to go with the bratwursts. (well, not all sausages are banned from this gathering.)
2 bottles of tequila - for prefunking before we wreak havoc at the Ducks & Drakes. (Oh, Logan!)
1 bottle of blue curacao, 1 bottle of raspberry sour puss, 1 bottle of raspberry rum - for Porn Star shots.
A 50 pill pack of Ibuprofen. (If this doesn't work, atleast I have next Monday off.)

Mix. Shake. Repeat.

Friday can't come fast enough. My heart is pumped. My liver, I'm sure, is on it's knees begging for mercy.

Que?

2007-08-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

I knew there was a reason why I dragged my ass to work today. My Monday mornings are usually wasted. The first hour is spent answering the dreaded "How was your weekend?" question from co-workers. The second is an exercise in self-control. Between having to listen to the politically correct, work scrubbed version of the same stories and the Hag's Darth Vader-like consumption of oxygen, it's almost sadomasochistic for me to stay in that room. Luckily, these meetings have dwindled down from an hour to 15 minutes (on a very good day!) Today's meeting was especially satisfactory. The Hag's closing statements were as follows:

"I just wanted to address the events of last week that may have caused anyone anxiety. I apologize. It seems my common sense was out the window that week. I don't know if there are any complaints about me that I don't know about. But the ones that I am aware of, I will not be doing again. So if any of you want to speak about it, there are different ways. Email, private conference or here at our team meeting."

Yeah.. huh... First of all, she wasn't on her knees. Second of all, there's only one way I will discuss the issue with her - in front of a Human Resources representative. Lastly, unless she gets a brain transplant (with the donor brain preferrably having an IQ of over 130!) I will never be able to view her as an equal, let alone a superior.

Ahh.. Maxie the Unforgiving. I truly am my father's daughter.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

2007-07-31T11:16:00.000-07:00

The 35-page document has officially been delivered to VP Chicken Legs and to HR. The investigation has started. Somebody is walking around with puffy eyes - and it ain't me! BWAHAHAHAHA! I know, I know, I'm E-V-I-L.

I can't divulge all the contents of the complaint packet. But I can say that I covered the following areas:

Unprofessionalism and Discrimination (WHAT? I said I would pull out all stops. Besides, I have a big problem with people asking me to clean up their messes. Why do you think I've never worked at a restaurant?!?! Just because I'm Flip doesn't mean I cook, clean and wipe asses - geriatric or otherwise!)
Basic Job Duties are Not Performed
Inappropriate Manipulation of Audits and Audit Results
Inappropriate Utilization of Staff
Continued History of Errors

As a Catholic, my repentance plan is to do a 3 mile run this afternoon. Shit, it might just make me shed some tears.

I'll slap you like a bitch and you'll take it like a whore!

2007-07-26T10:34:00.001-07:00

So Nice Brown Girl is going to give the 2 hour commute a chance. She's opted to work 10 hours, 4 days a week with Wednesdays off. The day after the Hag announces this change, Brown Girl takes a scheduled day off. So at 10:30am yesterday, Dipshit with the Fungus problem comes over and tells me that the Hag thinks Brown Girl has abandoned the job. Dipshit looks at me and says, "I thought she had today off? Didn't she announce that at our meeting yesterday?" I said, "That's what I heard from the horses's mouth too." So Dipshit asks me to break the news (again) to the Hag. I agree and do so with pleasure dripping out of every pore.

Me: "So you do realize Brown Girl has today off, right?"
H: "Oh, I don't recall that."
Me: "You said it in front of everyone at our meeting yesterday."
H: "I did?"
Me: "Yes, right after you announced her new schedule."

Brown Girl comes in today and finds a yellow sticky note with the words, "Meeting at 9am, Room 451" on it. She comes over and asks if I know where Room 451 might be. I replied that I am taking bets that she got the room number wrong and she really means Room 450. Vice President Chicken Legs overhears and decides to go on the room hunt with Brown Girl. Ten minutes later they come back and agreed it didn't exist. They finally find the Hag and confirm that it was supposed to be Room 450. So Brown Girl goes off to her meeting. She comes out and has steam radiating from her ears. She emails me with the outcome.

"Basically, Dipshit had already told me how she was told by the Hag that she assumed I had quit. She also told Dipshit that she wasn't going to give me a good reference. But she called the meeting because she felt I was aggressive with her on Tuesday about getting proper training for the audit I have to do. She thinks that my walks with you have impacted me...that you are turning me against her. What? What? I say what? How dare she talk about me, and you, to another co-worker."

Oh. It. is. so. fucking. on. bitch.

Can't we just fast forward to the good times?

2007-07-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

This day is fast going down into the annals of history as the worst Monday ever. After the fabulous but drizzly weekend we had in Seattle, I was greeted by a parking violation ticket on my windshield this morning. Shortly after that, a reminder that I work for the reigning titleist of Stupidest Boss Ever, was waiting for me on my chair at work. It said, "2/23/07, The meeting has changed from 9:00 am to 10:30am at Room 150." My first thought was to ignore it since the paper notice was obviously five months late and not sent electronically through Lotus Notes. (Uh hello, I wouldn't be in the line of work I'm in if I wasn't a stickler for Standard Fucking Operating Procedures!) But then I thought how hilarious it would be to watch her try to hold a meeting in someone else's office. She must not have paid attention to the announcement that Room 150 was being converted into the new IT Director's office. Completing the trifecta proving that this was a bad day to get out of bed: Nice Brown Girl is probably going to quit. She is moving to downtown Vancity with her husband thus giving her a two hour commute to work, and that's one way.

Fuck the City of Bellingham.
Fuck Apex.
Fuck the Hag.
Fuck the border wait lines.

On a lighter note, the reason why my return to reality is hitting me a lot harder today is because my weekend was spent with good friends, good food and good times all around. We went to the Bite of Seattle with the 206 gang and with Big J and his new fiancee, who drove up from Portland. We tried a crazy amount of food but a few of the popular favorites were: Rhodie's ribs with 'Hooch' Sauce and Pork Sandwiches (I was representing Team Flip, ofcourse, what with our outrageous pork consumption), Crawfish Etoufee, Crab Cakes, Deep Fried Maki (scallop, asparagus and crab roll with tempura batter and topped with spicy crab), Mango Lemonade.

I bonded with Sammi's Schnauzer A.J. (for Apple Jacks, not the Backstreet Boy) and am now adding Dog Trainer to my list of alternate careers.

We spent the remainder of the evening playing pool and foozeball at Jillian's. The Hennessy was sipped and not shot this time around. As a reward for showing kindness to our livers, we got up early on Sunday and went for dimsum. The usual goodies were present on the table. (If you consider chicken feet, tripe and bean curd goodies.) The usual chatter and cheer of our boisterous group.

We took our full bellies north to Tulalip and did some outlet shopping. I've been keeping an eye out for dresses since getting invitations to two weddings this summer. Ann Taylor had a gorgeous black and white chiffon strapless tea length dress with a square neckline. But I decided to hold out since I haven't yet tried on this summer's dresses from Anthropologie.

Once we finally said our goodbyes, we spent the evening chilling on the couch while watching The Hills Have Eyes and sipping on some (ofcourse I had to) tomato soup. Oh, if only everyday was a weekend.

You know people hate you when..

2007-07-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

You offer free food and nobody takes you up on your offer.

Yesterday

3:58PM - The Hag announces that she will be bringing snacks for the department tomorrow.

Today

8:46AM - The Hag sends out an email with the subject line: SNACK TIME (WTF is this, pre-school?)

10:20AM - The Hag walks from cube to cube inquiring whether we received her email.

10:30AM - The cheese is hardening, the crackers going stale and the cherries have been ignored. Nobody has touched the plate she has prepared. I am in my cube avoiding further coaxing as another hag comes to mind.

Bruja! Bruja! Bruja!

2007-07-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

For your collective eye rolling purposes, here's how my Friday morning started.

H: Are you working offline or something because I can't find the grievance data on the worksheets folder?
M: Yes, I had to create copies because you were in the files and I couldn't edit them. It was either that or twiddle my thumbs.
H: Oh. I usually open them when you're not around. But I didn't know they were still open because there is a new procedure for saving in Excel on my computer.
M: There has never been a change in saving excel files. It doesn't matter what version you have it's still the same way to save it.
H: (Death Stare!) Well my computer got upgraded.
M: Like I said, it's not going to matter. What version are you using?
H: Well I didn't really look into that.
M: Okaaaaaaay.
H: Well anyway -
M: Okay.
H: Well anyway, when do you think you will transfer those files?
M: When I'm finished with auditing the appeals.

Set change: The Hag's cube

H tries to recreate so called new saving method and fails. I told her she is describing what happens when Excel forces you to either save or exit without saving because you are in read-only mode. She gives me the death stare yet again for calling her out on going into the worksheets behind my back. She says she is so busy today but sometime soon, she would like to try opening the file when I have it open to see if it will work then.

I have walked away but the beyatch isn't out of danger of getting a backhand across the cheek. You can just call me Katie Couric today.

I've got love for you if you were born in the 80's.

2007-07-11T12:25:00.000-07:00

The Hag ought to really consider early retirement. My first week back from vacation certainly had its usual flair of a monkey and donkey show. But no matter, I’ve got some new music to keep me detached from the hubbub of idiocy and confusion one cube wall away.

Looking back at my tenure (6 years that now feels like a sentence of eternal hell-fire) here at the Brown Building of Doom. I have certainly done a 180 from the days of wanting to be perceived as ambitious, older and mature for my age. Now I'm a model slacker who is dreading turning 30. My sisters never pass up the chance to remind me that I’ll be off the calendar in a few years. It’s not that my outlook in life has gotten bleak. I just refuse to join the population that spends their lives in a state of general marasmus. And with that, I chose not to invest any more time with people over 55. (family excluded, ofcourse.) Yes, you guys are welcome to flame me for being age-cist. I’m sure it’s just another phase I’ll tire of soon enough.

Today I am going on a hike with Rupinder, the Ds and their two dental externs. Papa D is a dentist and always takes every opportunity he can to pass on the knowledge to his young protégés. Mama D is my best Flip friend in the making. She’s even got her adorable younger son answering to “Kamusta ka?” and we’ve got a lumpia-making playdate coming up!

The destination is Fragrance Lake. It’s just a few minutes out of town and although mostly uphill, pays off with a gorgeous view of the islands. The Tsu-man and I keep saying we would go on this hike more often. The lack of free time has always gotten in the way. But once I’m up there and feeling the burn, I always find myself daydreaming that I am working towards getting those buns of steel I’ve always wanted. I blame you, Nadia. And my dad for making me quit gymnastics because I was getting to “that age” where it was perceived to be inappropriate to have a male coach.

Creating another playlist has been put on the back burner (Sorry guys. I love the rarity known as the sun too much, to be cooped up in front of the computer) So for now I thought I would maybe list the top ten songs on my summer soundtrack. You guys can procure them in however way law abiding citizens get their music these days.

1.) Acceptable in the 80’s – Calvin Harris
2.) Stars in Their Eyes – Just Jack
3.) Electropop – Jupiter Rising
4.) Clumsy – Fergie
5.) What A Feeling – Global Deejays
6.) Don’t Stop – Rihanna (but you must get the Wideboys Radio edit)
7.) Shake Tramp – Marianas Trench
8.) Because The Night – Linda O
9.) Sorry – Kaskade
10.) Big Girls Don’t Cry – Fergie (can’t explain it but oddly like it.)

Ta ta for now chickees!

A sunny day, at last.

2007-07-09T05:47:00.001-07:00

Girlfriend's 26th birthday was on July 1st. But since everyone was out of town, the party was postponed until Saturday the 7th. We headed down to Stanwood for a day of fun, margaritas and friends.

The Heimerenator and I opted to stay on the deck while everyone headed for the lounge chairs.

As soon as the tide was out, we made our way to an island to play mud football. Here's Jenn assuming the position. Hut hut!

I hung out with Tia, a cute maltese mix, for a little bit. Sharky, The Heimerenator and I chilled until the sun set. Then we had a ping pong tourney and watched Beverly Hills Ninja.

Portland was hot, hot, hot.

2007-07-09T05:40:00.000-07:00

Literally. I abandoned my hot tub idea the moment I felt the suffocatingly warm air. We left Tillamook, OR and headed east on Hwy 6. Two hours later, we arrived at Big J's to a barbecue in full swing. Within five minutes we downed two shots of Hennessy each as punishment for being late to the G2IC OG reunion (It's not a gang, it's a club yo.)

L-R: Ive, Dan, Thanh, Nate, Big J

Thanh the lightweight struggles to stay upright as Nate gives everyone his beefy grin.

The Asian glow brought on by Jose Cuervo.

Jon-Jon had the right idea: Pho first, shots second. (Obviously, he is Flip what the double names and all.)

I don't even know why I still get shocked at the amount of sashimi this man can eat.

Making international calls on a demo iPhone, as only Asians can!

We had a fun time with the group. Johnny's daily barbecues had enough meat to turn anyone into a vegetarian but the secret sauce kept me coming back. We hit up a karaoke bar, had fabulous dim sum, sushi, Ana's dancing shrimp (Laoatian kinilaw!) We caught a showing of the Transformers and took turns playing pranks on the first one to pass out from the endless booze.

We drove north to Seattle on the 4th and watched the fireworks on the road. I would highly recommend it to anyone wanting to see the show but not dealing with the crowd. It was probably a good thing or we would have ended up as the obnoxious, belligerent people that parents give dirty stares to because of the public man-on-man dry humping on display.

See you crazy guys next year when my liver is back to normal. Love you long time, ha-neey!

Go west

2007-07-09T05:35:00.001-07:00

For those of us who have to follow the standard US vacation schedule, that dry spell between January 1st and May 31st goes by as slow as molasses. Naturally, the Tsu-man and I have been hankering for a getaway for a while now. Plans to meet up with friends started a few months back. So, the majority of last week was spent in Oregon. The first part of our trip was on the coast. Our first stop was Astoria, home of the Goonies. We hit, Fort Stevens, Seaside, Cannon Beach and Tillamook, all part of the Lewis & Clark Trail.

It was relaxing in a forget-your-hair-dryer and live-in-your-bikini sense. Ha! Who am I kidding, it was 65 degrees, windy and cold. I lived in my fleece hoodie and my hair was in a bun to avoid whipping some poor passerby.

Astoria - Maritime History Museum

Fort Stevens - Happy to see the Pacific Ocean again.

Fort Stevens - an actual shipwreck. As I was a bad student, my history lessons usually don't include details.

Seaside - for serious sand volleyball.

Outside Cannon Beach - a mighty long drop.

Mid-morning boredom?

2007-06-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

Has resulted in online bikini shopping. Bandeau halter tops are today's mission.

Volcom Slip N Slide in Orange stripes & purple polka dots versus Billabong True Love in black & white?

The moratorium has been lifted

2007-06-27T08:35:00.000-07:00

Wednesday. 8:30am. Already twiddling my thumbs.

Badmouthing the Hag and the Dipshit (see previous post referencing to bad Dolly) can only keep me entertained for so long. It has finally dawned on me that I will still have to work with these people and it makes me sick to my stomach. It may well be just a delayed reaction. But it feels kinda like when you first discover your ex has a new girlfriend. Big replacing Carrie with Natasha sick. (Sidenote: Run away from people who will string you along because they don't have the balls to tell you they have committment issues. ) Call in sick for a week and torture your liver sick. I've got all next week off from work. I think I will do just that. Wine tasting with GFs Jenn & Kristen will be the perfect send off!

Party of One

2007-06-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

So my one sane colleague has left the department for greener pastures. I am now left with the Hag and two newbies that I don’t care to solicit friendships from. Mini-Hag’s replacement is turning out to be nothing more than a full-sized, aging version of the same dipshit co-worker. Come to think of it, she’s worse. She literally stinks this place up. She eats her lunch at her cube, which almost always spurs a gag reflex so violent, I have to run out of the building. She comes back from her smoke breaks and, with every exhale, pollutes the air that I breathe. Hmm.. that explains the bad, raspy impersonation of Dolly Parton but the overgrown, unkempt, fungus-infested acrylic nails? That is just gross.

The other newbie, Brown Girl Jr, is competent and smart. Unfortunately, she is also a short-timer. She is just waiting for her Canadian residency status to be approved, an essential for people hoping to live and work in Canada. In the meantime, she has become the victim of the Hag’s favoritism (well, I guess there’s a reason why witches stick to their covens) and possibly even racism. She has been assigned the bunk task of claims auditing, possibly the bane of any internal auditor. I estimate the poor girl is bound to start getting nightmares, of rows upon rows of excel data attacking her, after she is finished with her first quarterly audit only to realize she has to do the same thing for the next quarter.

As for me? I have become the rogue employee doing whatever I want to, now that I have become the only repository of knowledge in my area. The Hag tries to learn but her brain capacity and processing speed just aren't enough. For the sake of the department, I hope she finds someone capable before I leave. I've given up on waiting around for her to get canned. She falls under four protected classes after all: female, over-40, disabled and stupid. (Damn it, I hate it when the minority card isn't enough!)

At the moment, importing a husband is forcing me to stick around. Apparently the U.S. Government prefers that both petitioner and beneficiary not be wards of the state before they grant visas. HA! But when the day comes, it will be a glorious celebration, bitches!

Rafting trumps the gym

2007-06-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

Things I learned over the weekend:

Chilliwack is civilized. I found a Starbucks!
White water rafting in 3-degree Celsius water means you will freeze your buns (and fingers and toes) off!
There is no need to hang on to the oar with a death grip. You will not fall off the raft.
Sticking your foot in the raft siding doesn't do anything but give you a bruised shin. You will not fall off the raft.
Bloodcurdling screams are only appropriate for slasher flick actresses. You will not fall off the raft.
Always participate in group warm-ups, even if it means looking silly. Better that than being pulled to the front and getting singled out. Then you just look silly by yourself.
There will always be a Skank-a-gawea in the group. You know the type. Attention-hungry, posing as the girl next door in pigtails, look at me as I parade in my bikini, I gotta bitch about everything, bimbo. (Oh, she got banished to the other raft, alright.)

I did not fall off the raft! I think it's safe to say this has been another milestone in getting over my fear of being in the water. Pics are up on Ive's website. There is talk of doing a longer rafting trip in Lytton next month. Maybe I will actually jump into the water next time. For now, I think the perfect reward for this brave girl is an afternoon at the salon! Mmmm...

It may be cold up here, but it's still bikini season.

2007-06-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

Angry moment over. Back to normalcy. Somehow, I came up with the fabulous idea that the moratorium of alcohol consumption should be hand in hand with my return to the gym. This weekend's river rafting trip is making me realize that it is already mid-June and I have done absolutely nothing to make sure my ass is bikini ready.

Tunes? Check. Runners? Check. Ponytail? Check. Cute shorts? Check! (Love Lululemon!) Matching terry cloth head and wrist bands in lime green? Just kidding. There is absolutely no excuse for fashion embracing neon as it's flagship color for a decade.

If you never hear from me again it just means my old nemesis, le treadmill, has gotten the better of me.

Castigo Brutal

2007-06-13T09:55:00.000-07:00

The headline read: COUPLE FINISHED RESTAURANT MEAL WHILE CHILD TIED IN HOT CAR.

"Castigo Brutal." That's what my grandmother used to threaten us with. It usually meant getting a couple slaps in the butt with her tsinelas (flip-flops). But that's why summer vacations were always an exciting time. It was time away from my shitty mother and her husband.

It never ceases to amaze me how many ways parents come up with to abuse, deprive, hurt and ignore their children, all in the name of discipline. Most of you know this is a sore topic for me, having lived through the deterioration of my parents' marriage and seeing the replacement father figure force feed his brand of punishment to my siblings.

For years, I couldn't understand why he would get ticked off at the littlest things. Then it dawned on me. He was compensating for being a military reject, a corrupt cop (sure, we'll believe you when you say you killed him in self-defense), an overshadowed husband and most of all, for being a short, short man.

I suppose it must be hard to deal with having a wife that makes more money and holds down a more respectable job than you. I probaby would be peeved if a nine year old corrected my ENGRRRISH. But how do you justify beating your kid with a rolled up newspaper because she couldn't find a pair of socks for you? What in the world would make you think holding a toddler upside down is going to make her stop crying? How did you come to the conclusion that because a kid didn't finish a glass of milk, she ought to be made to eat a stick of butter? Buddy, this isn't the back streets of Manila anymore. You're nobody in these parts. So why don't you take your third-world, macho gangsta mentality and shove it up your ass. Or since you adamantly refuse to adjust to your environment, why don't you just crawl back up your momma's crack?

Where was my mother during all this, you ask? She was a mute observer. She let it happen. As a matter of fact, she continues to do so. She still denies any physical abuse, whether on her or the children, despite documentation from Child Protective Services proving the contrary! I've lost count of how many times she's reported him for domestic abuse but never follows through. She divorced him and then got back together several months later without telling her children. She said it was because she never gave him a chance to wear the pants in the family and make the decisions. She even went so far as to kick me out of the house during a 2005 visit, in an effort to gain forgiveness and prove to him she was serious about making things work. Yet she wonders why her children have alienated her?

Yo, motherfucker! (Ha! Imagine that. He really is one in every sense of the word, for he truly has fucked my mother.) I may be in voluntary exile but you will never shut me up. I will continue to tell everyone what you've done and how you two have screwed up the lives of five children. I hope to God I never snap because thanks to you two, I consider bruises and name calling the stuff of amateurs. You will probably not enjoy what I would come up with.

Sometimes I think the reason why I don't have bridges to burn is because I refuse to build them. But that would make for a very sad, shallow, solitary existence. Life is about exploring the relationships that you form and trying your best to maintain the ones you consider to be the most important.

Reasons to give up the one arm cup curl

2007-06-11T04:54:00.000-07:00

A work in progress.

While I usually try my best to leave an entertaining voicemail, drunk dialing still requires damage control the next morning.
Getting admonished for throwing a hissy fit is never fun.
Flip Cup is an activity I shouldn't excel in.
Forgetting that you have company over is not an excuse to be traipsing around in your underwear. (I'm sure it would have been hilarious to some degree.)
A hangover that lasts until 3pm is a bitch to deal with.

Hmm.. I will have to find a different self-indulgent activity that doesn't require ibuprofens and Xuca episodes in the morning. I knew I had it right the first time around - I'm back on retail therapy!!!

Love in all the wrong places

2007-06-08T15:47:00.000-07:00

Does three in a row make me an addict? For the third time in as many nights, I sat in front of a sushi chef - in Louisiana. Huh? I was dubious about whether or not I would survive it the first night. But the need to satisfy my rice craving won so, I split open a fresh pair of chopsticks and dove headlong. Freestylin' ala Kevin:

Sunomono salad - all the good stuff, none of the icky noodles.
Spicy tuna on a shrimp chip
Baby octopus salad on a bed of seaweed and cucumber, topped with snow crab, masago and siraacha.
Yellowtail sashimi with ponzu pesto sauce topped with fried onions.
Tuna tataki with cucumber strings
Snowcrab and cream cheese wrapped in salmon and cooked tempura style - Salmon poppers
Apple, strawberry, avocado and cream cheese wrapped in a thin crepe and topped with kiwi and toasted coconut and doused with Grand Marnier syrup.

Let bygones be bygones so you can go and get the hell on

2007-06-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

Lafayette est petit. Shreveport est mort. I got into Louisiana at 9pm last night. Six hours later than my original ETA. It made for a very long travel day. The First Officer for my Bellingham to Salt Lake City flight was apparently ill. Flight cancelled. My original itinerary was BLI-SLC-DAL-SHV. But instead of the 6am flight time as planned, I ended up having to take the shuttle to Seatac. I flew out of Seatac to Memphis to Shreveport.

Once I got to Seattle, I ran around trying to find the right counter to check in at, because somehow, Delta forgot to fucking mention that the flight was actually going to be operated by Northwest Airlines. Lo and behold, the NWA counter was four lines deep with people trying to do the same thing I was. (Flight cancellations ought to be compensated with first class, you mofos.) Once I got to the front of the line, the useless service rep kept insisting there was no reason why I couldn’t use the self-serve check in machines – despite having already told her twice that my flight had been cancelled and I had gotten rerouted. (I say this again, dumb people should all be sentenced to life on an uninhabited, shark-infested island.)

So for a second time in 5 hours, I was in line to get my baggage and person checked through airport security. “Maam, you have been randomly selected for secondary screening.” It was the perfect trifecta. This, mesdames e messieurs, is how the TSA fucks you up the ass, all without ever getting off the ground.

My travel profile stating I preferred an aisle seat was obviously ignored, because I spent the 3.5 hours to Memphis stuck between an ex-gold bar stacking, small talk loving Grandpa with stinky breath and a whiny teacher with no bladder control. Many Fort Knox stories and 3 trips to the bathroom later, I was glad to race out of the plane and breath some clean air.

The last leg of my trip flew by much quicker. I was seated next to a nice man who orchestrates building doctors' offices for a living, participates in triathlons on his spare time and shares my penchant for Grey Goose. Forty-six minutes later, I was being told I looked “like a Mustang kind of girl” by the rental car agent. Hmm… y’all wanna see an Asian drive a domestic? I’ll be in the red one tearing down Interstate 10 to Baton Rouge tomorrow.

Ah shit. Why am I whining? I signed up for this. You can all just consider me a masochist. A happy one, because I found a decent sushi place in Lafayette. Tsunami on Jefferson in downtown Lafayette (watch out Bellingham, it has all of three streets in it’s downtown core, one more than you!) makes great Ika and does wondrous things with snow crab and salmon.

It took me a while but I guess I'm not it anymore.

2007-06-05T10:03:00.000-07:00

When Jap posed the blog tag challenge my first thought was, "How the hell am I going to write about my Flip pride when I don't even feel like I have any?" I dove headlong and became fully immersed into the melting pot/acceptance & tolerance culture years ago and it has almost made me forget about the Motherland. I took a couple of days to think it over and have come to the conclusion that although, the majority of my stay in the country was depressing and full of turmoil, I did walk away with things that I love. These are the same things that I miss. These are also the same things that make me proud to be Pilipino.

Old-school Values – growing up, discipline was about avoiding the belt or kneeling on a bed of coarse rock salt (how’s that for cruel and unusual punishment?!). I wasn’t sent into a corner or given a timeout. I was made to understand that if I did something wrong, the repercussions weren’t light. Now I recognize the fine line that divides discipline and child abuse. I lived that life, remember? But I am still a proponent for raising children with the right balance of indulgence and fear. It just makes for better people.

Food – Lumpia, Embutido, Lechon, Dinuguan (That's blood stew for all you picky eaters. Perhaps a good explanation of why I can be such a witch at times?), Bulalo, Inasal, Lagaw, Relleno nga Bangrus, Valenciana, Ibus, Suman, Kalamay Hati, Mangoes (I’m talking about the good kind, none of that green & red skinned BS).

I could go on and on. Those of us that have had it can properly appreciate why the mere mention of these dishes brings salivary glands into overdrive. Those of you that haven't and have particularly daring taste buds can give me a shout. I'll be happy to guide you through a tour of the gastronomic heaven that is Flip food.

Lastly, the way of life. Everything is so laissez faire over there. I want to be able to appreciate not having anything to do. I want to be able to not get restless because I don’t have anything planned for the day. Ofcourse there are drawbacks to this type of mentality. But oh, what I wouldn’t give to park my ass on the beach all day, go home and do the same thing over again the next day! Shieeeet. How can people expect vacations to last you until retirement?

Now then, I guess this blogtag will have to die here as my contact list is practically non-existent. Perhaps we could change the topic, Jap? Jin? Brett?

I got the pink slip

2007-05-21T09:31:00.000-07:00

When in the Chicagoland area, change-free is not the way to go. I found myself driving to Schaumburg on Wednesday when some loco rocos in a hoopty Lexus almost ran me over the road. I resisted the urge to flip them off but that didn't make things better. I missed the I-290 interchange anyway. So, I hauled ass to the next exit and found out that the town of Barrington requires one to pay a toll to exit the freeway. My purse got emptied of pennies and dimes and the green light indicated I could move forward. A quick turnaround and I was once again eastbound only to find that I needed another thirty cents in order to exit. Luckily, a man was emptying the change out of the machine. I asked him if he had change for a dollar. He gave me the pink slip (aka Missed Toll Form) and said, "Read this, you will need to pay the toll online within 7 days." And so today, I went online and paid a whopping $0.30 to the Illinois Tollway.

I spent part of the afternoon at Woodfield Mall while waiting for L&F to come out for dinner. She had suggested Maggiano's so there was no point in me going back to the city since the place was out in the 'burbs. We talked of Prague, Budapest and Germany over braised beef cannelloni. Family updates and future travel plans over tiramisu and creme brulee.

My drive back to the city was side tracked when I got a call from Judie Pie. It was his birthday and he was out with friends. Northalsted it is, then! This time around we were off to Spin for $1 drinks. It was the perfect amuse bouche evening for this out about town FagHag!

Plan deviation in the Windy city

2007-05-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

It feels good to be back. Tsu-man always said he felt like it was home for me. He was right.

The first thing I did was to take a trip down memory lane. I turned off of Bessie Coleman Drive and onto Mannheim Road, the bane of my pre-freeway driving existence. Brought about by my last minute realization that I would need change for the tollways I would need to take in order to get downtown, I veered off my Mapquest plotted course and took the Eisenhower in. I am not complaining now though, it allowed me the opportunity to stop at my old alma mater. I decided against taking Congress Pkwy as my grand re-entrance into the Windy City. It feels a lot older than I remember. I saw more cracks on it's sidewalks, more grime on it's buildings. But it was 80+ degrees hot and I was determined to enjoy my first afternoon back.

First order of business, see Millenium Park. I had a picnic by the auditorium and then made my way up the Golden Mile. I found a couple old haunts and a lot of new discoveries. I even accidentally discovered the parent company's building! With just enough time to soak my feet and freshen up, Jude came by and picked me up from the 'It's All Valet At The Hyatt, Miss' hotel. We had fab sushi at Meiji on the West Loop area. (It was good but not as good as Tojo's) We had some warm edamame and a few rolls - Dynamite with avocado and CC roll, Spicy tuna with avocado and salmon and tuna draped on top and Toro and Ahi tuna with daikon radish wrapped in cucumber and steeped in a rice wine and sugar dressing.

What better way to finish off the evening than chat away while everyone else was singing along to Cabaret? It was Show Tunes night at Boys' Town and Liza was back in her prime. Yeah, yeah, there were a few Miss Saigon lines that I was tempted to mouth...But my fabulous companions had no problems acting it out for me. ;)
Today, I was reminded of how crazy the drivers are here in Chicago. I hope to not bring it back to the "Ham but boy, the road rage is back in full force. Flipping, honking, cussing, the works. WTF were they thinking when they gave me a PT Cruiser for a rental? Another sucky, slow, hard to maneuver car. Oh d'uh. For a moment I forgot that it is a domestic.

Ex-tomboy Karen came by and picked me up tonight for a little din-din and a lot of dishing. A nightcap at the John Hancock signature lounge (the fog made my camera dead weight) was another perfect end.

Now, I'm off to the land of sheep counting. I haven't quite gotten used to the time zone change.

Tell me what you don't like about yourself

2007-05-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

I resisted for the longest time but my curiousity eventually got the best of me. I needed something to entertain me during this period of absolute (but oh so glorious) inactivity, as I wait for the grass to dry and the start of outdoor vball season. So I looked at my list of shows to play catch up on and found Nip/Tuck.

Sidenote: I've never given plastic surgery any serious thought. But I am relieved that such a profession exists, it's a great fall-back plan in the event of accidental disfigurement. Needless to say, I found out five minutes into the pilot that it was going to be much more than just surgical procedures.

I am hooked. Obsessively addicted, actually. I have spent the last week running straight home after work, like a good little girl, and indulging in episode after scandalously, gory episode. I did find myself looking away as they cut around a nipple to fix this man's moobies (man boobies, y'all) so that he could get accepted into a by invitation only, swingers party. But the graphic display of blood isn't what got me. It's a stylized depiction of giving in to vanity, fear, death, lies and the ensuing ruckus that follows. I would be amiss if I didn't mention that the show hints of sex in the weirdest depravity imaginable. Just a hint. It's not pornographic after all.

Some people thrive only when there is drama in their lives. (Now I'm beginning to understand why the ex-bffs are the way they are.) I definitely prefer for it to stay within the confines of the tube. With lives as crazy as these characters, I certainly hope it is art imitating (or more like exaggerating) life and not the other way around.
So, if you don't hear from me for a while, forgive me. I do have three more seasons to go.

I was thisclose to being roadkill

2007-04-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

Today is the 20th anniversary of our parent company being traded in the stock market. So, it is free coffee & food day again here at work. I came in to a line of about 50 people in the lobby, waiting for two baristas to make their coffees for them. It so happens, I am following this fattish, older lady (seriously, she's even got a female baldness thing going on.) who just got her coffee and scone. She presses the button to summon the elevator. Then takes a step back. And another. And another? And another! And another! Here I am following suit so she wouldn't run into me. It would have been impossible for her not to see me as she was standing in front of semi-reflective glass. Finally she stops. This one guy in line sees me throw my hands in the air while mouthing, "What the fuck?" He calls my name and starts going, "Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Maxie, don't get run over!"

How ironic that this company actually has the words health and management in its name and yet a tour of the building would yield a large majority of its occupants not practicing said words? Ok. I'll stop. I know I am being mean.

One more thing, the Chicago trip has been moved to May 14th. My schedule has gone awry and I really don't even want to think about it anymore.

My Paris Hilton moment

2007-04-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I did not dream of being a video ho. Especially not for propaganda use! Dare I elaborate? What the hell! If I'm going to push the envelope, I might as well see how far I can go before getting reprimanded.

I was walking back to work with my one and only sane co-worker today, when a group of trainees stopped me to say jokingly, "Can I get your autograph?" I told them I had no idea what they were talking about. The leader of the pack said in his southern drawl, "We saw y'all on tv today! You were the star of the video!" Huh??? Then it dawned on me. He was talking about the Rah-Rah video the company recorded earlier this year to document their prized Culture of Excellence dogma. I mustered a fake laugh and said my goodbyes. For a moment I wondered if I could get away with getting into my car and running them over like bowling pins. Isn't that what real celebrities do? But, I put my gargantuan Michael Kors glasses back on (because we all know I am really a drag queen at heart!) and continued the trek uphill instead.

This is just great. I get to be the face those people remember three months from now, when they realize their commission-only job sucks ass and they finally get why insurance agents are not thought of fondly. Business development, indeed!

It's always a celebration, bitches!

2007-04-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Friday night started out great with the chicas and I meeting up at the Bellwether for wine and appes. We made summer plans. We shed off the week's craziness. Potato wrapped shrimp. Then we got told by the owner we were too rowdy. Umm... I'm only on my second glass of pinot grigio, Sir. I know for a fact dancing on tables don't occur until after the Jager shots come out! Well anyway, we huffed and puffed for our check and left the pretentious watering hole to meet up with the guys for some down home, pulled pork sandwiches. The evening kinda fizzled out due to long wait times at the bowling alley.

8.11.2007 will be the pRon star (after the shot, not the professionals) reunion weekend. Parents, do not bring your children to Leavenworth that weekend! I must try to not lose my voice this time around. Although.. with inner tubing down the river, wine tasting, the Ducks & Drakes, breaking into the hot tub and all the other crazy ideas that Bianca, Shanaynay and the gang can think of lined up.. that might be a challenge.

Saturday was chill. Slept in. Casino Royale. (Oh, James indeed!) Afternoon nap. Wii at Rupinder's. Vball. Mexican. 3 Ibuprofens.

Mark and I played tennis, for about three hours yesterday, while the Tsu-man was off to a motor swap. An LS-VTEC upgrade for a friend's Acura Integra. Meanwhile, Nektario & Nancy were crazy enough to do the Sun Run this year. So to celebrate, the five of us went to Spiros. "We will eat. We will leave. But we're not going to pay." Well, that was my Greek lesson of the day, but I've forgotten it already. I'm still stuck at "Yassou!"

Nektario's fam makes the best Greek food. No menu needed. We had the crazy Greek order for us. Kalamaria, Tarama, Tiropita, Spanakopita, Dolmathes, perfectly cooked lamb medallions, Pita with Tzatziki & Hummus. Creme caramel and Baklava to finish. I was nursing a food baby past the overtime period of Game 3 of the Canucks versus Stars faceoff. (Incidentally, them Orca boys better come up with a different strategy besides scraping by with the skin of their teeth!)

Just give me a pain that I'm used to.

2007-04-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

Hijo De Puta.

I've got Frozen Toe Syndrome! I should have known better than to wear my silver jacquard silk, 4-inch open toe slides, with the rhinestone buckles today. It's another wet and windy Friday in the Pacific Northwest, folks! You'd think after six years, I'd know how to dress for the climate. It's not that I don't. I just refuse to! The wool socks and northface jacket crowd will not be adding my name to their list of victims, oh no.

My preferred woe du jour are sunburns and an empty drink glass. It is 82F in Salvador da Bahia today. I wonder if they need auditors there? I'm even willing to take a paycut in exchange for a beachfront cabin, 4 hour workdays and an on call personal masseur.

Hibernation is overrated

2007-04-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

For the record, I don't think I'm the type of person who does well with taking a break from things. This is the second week without league vball, dance or anything other than Law & Order reruns lined up for my evenings. Blech. The Queen of Afternoon Naps is officially couch-weary and in need of stimulation. I think I have to admit it. I am bored. So if y'all have any groundbreaking things to do indoors, hit me up. Oh, why does it have to be so rainy and cold here?

Partial Chitown Itinerary

2007-04-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

When: 4/23/07 - 4/27/07
Where: Downtown, where else?
Who: Boardroom Lisa, Judie Pie, Kasia and the old XDP Crew!

The Veep's admin, or Dracula's Bride as I like to call her (since her makeup is so flawlessly...goth), has outdone herself this time around. She got me hotel reservations at a posh hotel on Wacker Drive! So.. here's what I had in mind:

Revisit old haunts with the XDP crew.
Have fab tacos al pastor at the Mexican cantina off of Harlem and Roosevelt.
See Centennial Park.
Shop Michigan.
A wine tasting or two!
And by special request from the Tsu-man, hit up Giordano's.

Anyone have any other suggestions?Now if the weather will just cooperate. Damn April snow storms in the midwest.

Ahay, Judie Pie, ngaa subong ka pa imo nagpuli sa Pilipinas, man? Bay-i lang, mabalik pa ko liwat sa July, a.

Of Greeks and Chinamen

2007-04-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

I got a surprise visit from Nektario and Markdon on Monday. Their third musketteer, The Tsu-man, had just made plans to go to the Vancouver Auto Show so he couldn't make the joyride south. The boys wanted mp3 players and sugar. Two new things I learned that day:

The true meaning of Greek Style. A conversation with these two is never dull!
Applying portion control to Mexican does not make it a good pre-game meal.

International House of Volleybal (IHOV) update: Monday night cemented my decision not to go back to church ball. Rupinder and I got stuck in the All-Samoa team and were promptly ignored on the court. Even GrandPapa Freaking Smurf got sets before we did! (Needless to say, I defected to Mother Russia's team after that game.)

Also, SassyChicklet got taken down by Big Boi of the 'Fro Duo on yet another one of his failed attempts at landing a hit properly. (Oddly enough, the other one looks just like Andre 3000. I am going to start calling them Outkast from now on.) He didn't even apologize, help her up or ask if she was ok. Rude!

This week's epiphany: I am indeed a clotheshorse. I devoted two evenings to folding, hanging and organizing the four loads of clothes from the last two weeks alone. I guess it's not good that I picked up two new pairs of jeans when the RodentPrincess and I went jean shopping. Ay!

The Hag gave another great demonstration of her ineptness and it has now become a one-liner around the building. "There are unusual icons on your desktop." I'm too disgusted at her stupidity to tell the story.

Today is the first day this year that the temps have gone above 70. To celebrate, I dusted off my hot pink Bebe ankle strap stilettos. (What? New jeans need hot shoes!) And since I'm craving a strawberry fruit ice bar, I might just give in to it when I go for a walk this afternoon. Ummm...Yeah... portion control is out the window this weekend. I just know Eddie Baby is cooking up a storm for Easter Dinner. I am powerless to resist.

A late Saturday afternoon quickie

2007-04-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

Oakridge Centre is my new favorite mall! It's not as far as downtown Van and no crazy drivers like Richmond Centre or Metrotown. It's got Benetton, Aritzia, Coach, Bebe, LuluLemon, BCBG, Lacoste and M.A.C.

Incidentally, I'm all about bubble gum pink lips these days. (Lustreglass lip gloss in Morning Glory and Cremestick liner in Softwood.) But a grown up bubble gum pink. I can't very well come into work looking like a drag queen holding on to the last vestiges of Melanie Griffith's youth.

Warmongering succeeded where a bismark donut failed.

2007-03-29T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's time for those bandwagon jumpers to pony up once again. It's been a long three years. The Canucks are back and they are going to the playoffs!!!! Looks like early detractors of the overhaul that included the departure of Marc Crawford, Todd "Big Bert" Bertuzzi, Anson Carter, Ed "Jovo" Jovanovski and (ugh. I was VERY happy to see this one go) Dan Cloutier, have been proven wrong!

Off the ice, I sometimes wish fighting was legal and punishable only by two minutes in the penalty box. I think it would save a lot of people from having to go to anger management classes. (Although, dental fees would get expensive.) I’d be in the frontlines like the Swedish Sedin Twins. Yesterday, I publicly declared war on the Hag. (Via email of course, because I was still taking a cue from the Passive-Aggressive’s Confrontation Manual) I then proceeded to have a talk with her superior, the Veep. Once that was done, I left work for the day. But not before getting congratulated by Sane Colleague for getting the Hag called into the Veep’s office for a talking to.

This morning I arrived at cubedom to, exactly what I expected, a yellow sticky note stuck to my monitor with the words, “See me. XXX” written on them. I figured there was no point in hurrying seeing as I was already eight minutes late and my spiced chai tea latte was getting colder. So I sipped my latte, read and replied to emails for a few minutes. She was forced to come over instead. (I’m getting really good at this passive-aggressive shit. My not-so-subtle delay tactic did the job!) She stated that she left that note because she wanted to ask if an 8:30am meeting was doable since she had already booked a room. I nodded in assent. She then asks me if I’m feeling ok as my brow was furrowed. I gave the I’m-here-aren’t-I-so-I-must-be-ok response. Note to self: Perfect the Jim Halpert Blank Stare Special for next time.

Anyhoo… she has opted to deal with me by sending me away. Little does she know it is THE PERFECT SOLUTION! The less I see of her, the longer I will avoid being in that penalty box - hopefully not one with iron bars. So, the red headed stepchild will be tearing across the continent in the next few months. On top of the Montreal trip with the Tsu-man, here is where you’ll find me:

April - Chicago
May – Louisiana and Texas
June – Texas
July – Chicago
August – Florida, North Carolina and Georgia
September – Utah and Nevada

Goodness! August in Savannah - definite packing challenge.

Choke me. Spank me. Pull my hair.

2007-03-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

Monday came a day late this week.

rolled ankle
swollen knuckle
an early morning Hag episode that almost made me use the racial-discrimination-in-the-workplace card. (A word to the wise, do not ever show your face to me if you harbor preconceived notions of Filipinas as mere domestic helpers.)

Foxtrot.Uniform.Charlie.Kilo. What else is there to say?

G.K. once said this about me, "She's a cutter!" It was actually in reference to having great avocado slicing and dicing skills. But I imagine I would probably have fun with being a closet cutter. "Hey baby, can you bleed like me?" Just kidding. Don't send me off to the psych ward in a straight jacket just yet. Atleast not until I've successfully used those slicing and dicing skills to take down La Bruja.

Red and long won in the end. The new 'do is fab. I now have a new addiction. I'm putting down the B&B Hair Tonic bottle of tingly mint goodness in exchange for the Biosilk Fruit Cocktail bottle. How can I say no to bubble gum scented conditioner?

Good boys always follow

2007-03-23T08:45:00.000-07:00

Good boys never win. They all fall away, and you remain.

What is it with me not getting enough of Blondie this week? Yikes, that's only a stone's throw from the Flashdance soundtrack. That always conjures memories of my mother jazzercising away to Fame in a leotard and leg warmers. It's no wonder I'm maladjusted!

I'm spending my Saturday morning at the hair salon while everyone else goes snowboarding. That's right, I'm indulging in four glorious hours of inactivity (you can thank me later, my little cellulite buddies.) instead of joining those suckers up the mountain. I'm torn between sticking with the usual or chopping off as much as I can get away with. Also on the fence about keeping the red or going back to black. Amy the stylist, seems to agree with the majority's belief that I will be shedding a few tears should I insist on going short, so it's looking like the usual will prevail.

Me and my new 'do are cooking for the boys once their mountain adventure is done. Those hungry bastards better finish off everything. I'm not particularly fond of leftovers. I occassionally end up eating these at the communal lunchroom at work. That place is full of chatty strangers. Chatty strangers who dissect my food. Chatty strangers who ask for restaurant suggestions. Chatty strangers who always want to make friends. Ugh. I guess I just don't like chatty strangers. (But I'm always nice at kissing them off, I promise.)

The most hilarious thing I've heard all week was at a restaurant where I had lunch with a friend. The waitress comes around to check on our food then tells him, "I'll be back to water you in a bit." HUH? Sure sweetheart, make sure he gets plenty of sun and Miracle-Gro too.

You got a fast car? I want a ticket to anywhere. Maybe we can make a deal? Maybe together we can get somewhere.

2007-03-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 7:57am this morning. This is HIGHLY unusual, unless I've been up all night which was certainly not the case. Three hours of hard play knocked me off my feet the moment the last strand of my hair was dry as a dead dingo's donger.

So, I got to work very, very late this morning. It just so happened that the Po Po chose today to cause a commotion at the work parking lot. I later found out it was regarding a blue Miata that was reported stolen. Really, who would want to steal a Mazda Miata? If you want to go Japanese, you go with the Big 4. A Honda S2000. An Acura NSX. A Nissan Sylvia. A Toyota MR2 Spyder. A Lexus IS 350. I could see those being coveted. (and yes, I do know Honda & Acura are from the same guys, as are Toyota & Lexus.) But I digress. Besides, I have a fetish for shoes not cars.

So what's a very tardy girl to do but sashay down the expanse (because, ofcourse, being late has relegated me to the back friggin' forty!) of the parking lot and be as innocuous as possible? Well, that didn't work. I have been hounded by gossip-mongers all day asking if I knew what was going on. Some have even insinuated that I was involved. OMFG. Hilarious at first. Now it is cloyingly annoying. To the point where I am beginning to want to work instead. People please. For the record, I was merely late this morning. Now go back to talking about the weather.

Fuck all you all, by the way.

Oy. I need a weekend from last weekend.

2007-03-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's safe to say I spent most of it in a drunken stupor. But apparently not as drunk as everyone else, as I had to play referee to Self-Professed-Redneck-and-Homophobe friend and SassyChicklet as they were both eager to pick fights. In keeping with the memory lapses that come with over-indulgence, may I present to you the weekend's highlights:

Hooray for my new tennis racquet!
Feijoada, Caipirinhas, Eddie Baby's Ribs, Brazilian rice and a gigantic cream puff cake.
Hanging out with very pregnant Ruthie for a proper reality check.
Head scratching limerick writing (Nantucket be damned, I wanted to do something along the lines of Rupinder's Sidewinder but I lost my train of thought.)
Endless Buttery Nipple shots which resulted in boob grabbing
Caipiroskis!
More shots, this time of the green gelatinous variety.
Sinbad and the midget on the dancefloor
Booze - Fooz (For once everyone sucked as much as I do at foozball)
Losing a contact lens and eventually giving in to the perpetual blurry vision.
Crashing on bunk beds like back in the day.

I hate being superstitious

2007-03-14T08:42:00.000-07:00

I wish I wasn't. Last night's dream of a vehicle accident and my teeth falling out led to waking up feeling like I had been on the treadmill for an hour. I probably sounded manic to those people I messaged inquiring whether they were fine or not. But seeing friends and family crying or confined to a wheelchair was not pleasant. There's no trifling with the voodoo shit. Teeth falling out = death. Seriously, I couldn't make this stuff up even if I was doing blow, shrooms and chasing the dragon all at once.

Oh, I hope I am wrong.

I give in to sin because you have to make this life livable

2007-03-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

The last weekend was just what I needed. Sushi. I got my fill of blood, gore, men in loincloths and capes with 300. (Women, it is well worth the price of your admission!) I could have used a little more lubrication at the C's, but I suppose a good dinner guest can't possibly hoard all the wine to herself. (Kokanee and LaBatt are wretched.) Besides, this Saturday is St. Patrick's Day so there will be more heavy drinking than I can handle. Green Beer Day is a day when I miss Chicago even more than usual. But between 8am Pub Plans with Nektario and Markdon and Titio's Brazilian Birthday din-din, I think there will be enough fun to be had without the green river.

Although, boredom has reared it's ugly head and I find I am once again contradicting myself. Somehow I'm sensing the end of party mode and a shift into comfort mode. The urge to stay in and curl up with a book has been calling my name of late. So in preparation, here are the two selections I picked up last week:

Bitter is the New Black or Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office - by Jen Lancaster
The Great War for Civilisation: The Conquest of the Middle East - by Robert Fisk

Yes, a dense book is comforting to me. So is food. Oh, how I miss cooking. No, even my lazy ass does not count chopping up a salad as cooking. I should have my German Guinea Pig over soon because I want to make a Paella and a Pear and Caramel Trifle. Now that's the sin that did Jezebel in! (Or maybe I can start with Sloth. I think I better make a date with my couch tonight. It's high time for some friggin cocooning.)